Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Is it possible to "prove" that an affair is over?

My husband had an emotional affair with a co-worker. I asked him to email her or call her in front of me and end it so I would know, but he told me he did in person because he thought it would have a bigger impact. The texts and facebook stuff have stopped, and we have started counseling, but I still question whether or not it is really over.

Has anyone been through this before, and if so, is there anything that your spouse was able to do to "prove" to you that his affair was over?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 6:26 PM on Oct. 19, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Prove it by moving out of state lol. I would 100% insist on talking to her myself though, to make sure she knows it's over!

    Answer by Blueliner at 6:28 PM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • time will tell, with things like this sometimes you just have to wait to see. I have been thru this and it was over when he said but I had to give it time to build trust up in him. I also pd 50 for a program that tracked all activity on the computer even if it was deleted. And I am looking into another program for his cell phone so I can listen in on his calls. i guess once this has happened it hard to ever trust them again.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:41 PM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • As stated time will tell. However, you never know what is goin on at work even if you were to talk to her. Plus, how do you know that he in fact told her in person. You werent there. You never know.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:44 PM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • And talking to the person doesn't help either. I did talk to her, and she said to talk to him and then hung up on me. Either something is still going on, or she is mad because he ended it. Her facebook did say "isn't it weird how some things end before they start" and then "I've been bamboozled", so I'm praying that means he is telling the truth. But as the above posters said, I'm not there, so I don't know for sure what is going on.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:52 PM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • i don't know. I had my ex call the girl in front of me and tell her that he didn't want to talk to her anymore and that he wanted to be with me. I thought that would stop it. For a while I didn't hear anything from her but then I started finding notes from her and things again. I tried to work it out with my husband for 2 years after but things kept coming up and it got to the point that I couldn't trust him with anything.

    Answer by angiewith2 at 7:02 PM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • Well, I have been thru this. You will probably never completly trust him again. If you value your marriage and you want to work things out, you will have to 'trust' him. The marriage will not work otherwise. You will make yourself sick and crazy with worry. You will always think, maybe..... but don't give in to that and tell him you don't trust him. He should also be more sensitive, like not 'working late' or tell you ahead of time if he has to and why. But to follow him or keylogger him or spy on his phone conversations is going to do more to hurt you than help. If you find that you can't trust him, (he does it again), you are better off just getting out and moving on, than resorting to that (spying), it is no way to live. So I say believe him until you have proof otherwise. Good luck!

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:26 PM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • I'd totally use the computer and phone spyware! GPS, hirer a PI, etc. What ever gave me piece of mind that he wasn't doing anything he shouldn't! I totally trust DH because he hasn't ever giving me ANY reason to think that I shouldn't, but if he did you better believe I'd be doing all those things in a heart beat!

    Answer by Blueliner at 8:38 PM on Oct. 19, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.