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What do you do when...

that longing and sadness for what might have been and what you lost in becoming a mother...doesn't go away when you think about your kids?
In other words...you look at a picture from your days in college, or you see a friend who just got married, in a white dress, and is buying a new, beautiful house. How do you make yourself feel better? Because anyone will say "You look at your kids and think about how much you love them and how wonderful life is." But if life isn't wonderful, what do you do?

Answer Question
 
sweetphoenix529

Asked by sweetphoenix529 at 9:20 PM on Oct. 19, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 6 (139 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • You have to find the things that you ARE grateful for. One at a time they may not seem like "enough" but the funny thing about gratitude is that it builds and builds and if you really think about it I'm sure you have lots of blessings in your life. Also, try to to compare yourself to others or go overboard w/what could have been. Things are not always as good for others as they look from the outside and you never know what is really going on in someones life just because they have a nice house etc. I hope you feel better Mama, we Cafe Moms are here for you!!! : )
    momrocks1000

    Answer by momrocks1000 at 9:27 PM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • Oops that is suppose to say try NOT to compare yourself. Bad editing... : (
    momrocks1000

    Answer by momrocks1000 at 9:28 PM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • I've never longed for my life before children. A new, beautiful house would be empty without kids. I never realized how lonely my single life was until I had children. They are true blessings, and all the "stuff" my childless friends have is just that, stuff. In five years, that stuff will be junk heading for a thrift store or the garbage. In five years I will still have huggy-hugs and kisses and moments of extreme joy that have surpassed anything I've ever imagined.
    mancosmomma

    Answer by mancosmomma at 9:32 PM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • Well, I guess the only thing you can really try to do is figure out what is missing SO much in your life that you are still feeling so much envy for other things.. I mean, my son has been far from easy since he was born... and in the begining.. yeah, i wanted to run away. but I got to the point where I also realized that this is LONG term/ good or bad - whether now I want to or not.. no matter how good or bad the days are - I now need to find a way to make each day better... I think most people when they say things like that are trying to SUM UP their life - its not always that black and white- there are TONS of grey area's in life .. somedays when your child/kids are at their worst and you are at your crabbiest, its hard to look at them and say Awh... life is so good - Heck no... sometimes its just HARD. period.. we just have to all find a way to enjoy each day - its not always easy.. then tomorrow comes and its better..
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 11:06 PM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • You sound depressed. That doesn't mean you need meds necessarily, although you could probably benefit from some and there's no shame in that. You do need to recognize that you are choosing to look at your life in a negative way whether you take meds or not. You need to change your perspective. You see what you don't have, where you lack, or where you fell short. You need to see how you changed for the better, what's good in your life, and who is in your life. Then you can do what you can to change that which you do not like and work towards the life you feel is better, but in a positive, proactive way.
    Seven07

    Answer by Seven07 at 11:13 PM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • Well, honestly, there is nothing that says you can't go to college now.
    OneToughMami

    Answer by OneToughMami at 11:34 PM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • I count my blessings. I have a roof over my head, heat, water, and a beautiful daughter to wake up to. We have family that loves us and cares for us no matter what. Those may seem like little things, especially when food is hard to come by and the bills are hardly paid, but at least I have what I DO Have.
    epoh

    Answer by epoh at 7:44 AM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • I feel you. I used to be a flight attendant, i traveled and had friends all over the world. I decided to quit so I could get pregnant and start a career that allowed me to come home every night, but I really do wonder what if i hadn't. I planned to go back to school after the baby was born and put him in daycare, but now that he's here I don't want strangers raising him. Its weird, I guess the best way to explain it is I'm not willing to sacrifice my time with my children to make my other dreams come true, but I'm not happy about it either. Just because I'm a mom now and that's way more important than the other jobs i wanted doesn't mean that makes me stop wanting them,
    Christina2135

    Answer by Christina2135 at 7:57 AM on Oct. 20, 2009

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