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Is it wrong for me to give a child away when I already have two?

I'm 20 years old. Will be 21 in January. I'm an engaged mom of two young boys...age 15 months & 2. I'm almost 100% sure that I am pregnant now. I just haven't taken a test but a woman knows. Especially when I've been through this before. I'm not working right now but my fiance is. We live with his parents. We are working on getting our lives back together. Our first child was planned...our second was the makeup baby...this 3rd one is a total surprise and I don't feel happy about this surprise. I love all my children but I feel this will screw up what we're working so hard for. We are barely getting by now. Another child means more money and we just don't have that. And where would we stay. His parents will not let us bring in another child. If I could I would keep this baby but I feel its impossible. Can someone just give me a lil advice and guidance. And tell me is it wrong to give up a baby and I kept the other two.


Asked by Anonymous at 11:39 PM on Oct. 19, 2009 in Adoption

This question is closed.
Answers (83)
  • OP, Good for you, and for your SO! I purposely waited to see how far and how wide this would grow, and felt that at about 1/2 way, I need not even give voice( I know SOME of you are sad), but am tired of late. OP, you will KNOW exactly what it is you are capable of and I am thrilled you and BF, have decided to try. ONE cannot know for SURE , unless the give it a shot. Good Luck, with ALL that you are both working towards, and give each and everyone of YOUR children hugs, they are the biggest miracles we can be matter how they come into our lives;) Blessings, C.J.

    Answer by ceejay1 at 8:38 PM on Oct. 22, 2009

  • Uncalled for ladies!!!

    I feel there is nothing wrong with giving up your child for a better life, even if you already have 1, 2 or more. In all honesty I am in my 30's and if i were to get pregnant right now my financial situation would just not allow me to survive, and i would truley consider adoption for it.

    On the other side of it, my sister and her husband have been trying unsuccessfully for a baby for years and for someone in your situation to seek out someone like her, would make the lives of all much happier. Your children would thank you later for making thier lives easier, you would be happier and someone not able to have children would be blessed.

    I urge you to not listen to the people who do not understand your life or situation and do whats best for YOU and YOUR FAMILY. if you feel this child would be better (and your family) do whats necessary before you cant make that decision.

    Answer by roxyann76 at 11:50 PM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • OP - no, there is nothing wrong with making that decision. I am appalled at the RUDENESS of some of the posters here (I cannot call them ladies). Seriously, since when do women have mouths like sailors? Please try to ignore the people who only spout ugliness. C.M. seems to attract them. I pray that God will help you make whatever decision you are supposed to make.

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 11:59 PM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • Um, let me get this straight... You planned a teenage pregnancy? Um, that is totally wrong and irresponsible of you anyway... why worry about this kid.... Yes, give it up for adoption... it would be better for the baby in the long run.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:40 PM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • Ok I'm asking for advice...not for people to come here && bash me...if you don't have anything nice to say stfu && step on...I can do without the extra b.s.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:48 PM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • Giving your child up for adoption is a hard decision. If you choose to do so you are giving a gift to someone of large magnitude. I think it is the most unselfish thing you can do. I had my daughter at 21 and it was a struggle. I am now 35 and looking into adopting so if you ask me no it is not wrong it is loving.

    Answer by CooknKitten at 11:49 PM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • Sorry ladies - I personally got pregnant twice on BC!!!! and my kids are 10 years apart! And I know lots of others. It happens

    Please do not let them make you feel upset for what has happened. Life is Life, we learn as we go.

    Also i recomend the IUD its permanent and it lasts for 5 years - it can be put in at your OB's office and there are few side effects.


    Answer by roxyann76 at 11:54 PM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • When you have to make that decision miss mommy16love then you can degrade and insult yourself all you want. Just wait till you have that child, its not all peaches and cream no matter what age.

    I wish I had someone whispering in my ear that it was ok that I made a mistake and I didnt have to let the mistake ruin my future (or my family's future). I have struggled for 13 years and can never seem to catch a break or get ahead. I love my girls. And I know what a struggle it is to make a decision like this. but dont let it this one mistake define the rest of your family's struggles.

    I hope your family is in support no matter what you decide.

    Answer by roxyann76 at 12:07 AM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • My god to the first 2 anonymouses.

    You do realize it's human nature to want to have intercourse? You should not speak as though the OP needs to be condemned. Get off her back.

    And P.S. Birth Control doesn't always work. Nor do condoms. Get over yourselves.

    Answer by Mei-Ling at 12:11 AM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • Personally I think that you should go ahead and give the child up for adoption. I as well as many other moms know what it is like to struggle. Be smart about your decisions. Talk it over with your family and your inlaws before making such a life changing decision. Best of luck ! btw i was prego by my bf(who i am no longer with ) and I had an abortion because I was living with my 2 yr old dd and grandmother, i was working but it was not enough at the time plus i was very irresponsible, and I was 20. I chose to do that because i made the decision to do so becasue i did not want to put any more burden on my grandmother. I am still trying to get back on track even though i have my own apt. I work full time and go to school. Make your decision wisely because whatever the decision, YOU have to live with it.

    Answer by hopeforacure at 12:17 AM on Oct. 20, 2009