Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I am lost without my mom. Should I call her?

My mother and I have always been extremely close, But over the last couple of years we have been having a problem with her favoring my oldest son. This has caused a few cross words between us but nothing major. Well, the last 6 months or so she has really been pushing me to let my oldest son live with her. I have made my position clear that I will not let him move in with her and that I really did not want to discuss it anymore. But every time she calls or sees me it seems that it is all she wants to talk about. She has even tried guilt using my dying father. Saying that he needs my son there for company. I have tried telling her that he is not moving in with her and it is final. On Saturday she called and spent about 20 mins. talking about it. I tried to change the subject and I tried again to make my point clear but she wouldn't give up so I got so frustrated that I finally told her that I did not want to talk to her CONT.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:23 AM on Oct. 20, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • OP CONTINUED: anymore until she stopped pestering me about it. The last thing I said to her was that I would not discuss it anymore and when she was ready to talk about something else then she could call me back. Then I hung up. Well, she has not called again. I miss my mother and I really don't want to fight with her with my father so sick. But I am tired of repeating myself and having her pester me to let my son live with her. Am I overreacting? Should I call her say sorry? I just don't know what to do. DH says to leave it alone and she will call me, but I don't like not being able to call her or talk to her. I am worried she wont call me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:29 AM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • I think that you should call her and tell her how you feel and that your son coming to live with her is not going to happen but that you would like her and you to have lunch and talk about some things maybe she is feeling the same way as you call you mom she is hurting as you are to.
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 3:34 AM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • You don't mention how old your oldest son is, nor how mature. If he's of an age and maturity level to do it, this might be a decision best left to him. But I don't know everything that's going on here.

    If he's too young, then it wouldn't be good for him to be in the home of a dying person.

    You need to call her and explain your reasons to her very calmly, and keep repeating that it's NOT going to happen...that is, if your son is of an age where you can say that. If he's 18, you can't. It's his decision.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:48 AM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • You don't mention how old your oldest son is, nor how mature. If he's of an age and maturity level to do it, this might be a decision best left to him. But I don't know everything that's going on here.

    If he's too young, then it wouldn't be good for him to be in the home of a dying person.

    You need to call her and explain your reasons to her very calmly, and keep repeating that it's NOT going to happen...that is, if your son is of an age where you can say that. If he's 18, you can't. It's his decision.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:51 AM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • Op here. He is only 8 yo. And if left to him ofcourse he is going to say he wants to because she spoils him rotten. I for one don't want my 8 yo moving out already. I thought I had atleast 10 more years before he would be moving out. And for two I just don't think that it is a good idea for him to be there with my father right now as sick as he is because it makes my son depressed when he goes to visit.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:04 AM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • i dont think you should call her, let her call you! personally i think its weird how bad she wants him to move in with her! hes 8! i get that grandparents love their grandchildren but for her to keep asking you to let YOUR son live with her is werid! you have told her no and i think she is going to wait for you to break down and say ok...thats your child! if you are not a bad mother and you can provide for your son then why in the world would you let him live with her! she had her fun of raising children, now its yours! i feel like she is trying to take that away from you! how does your husband feel about this?

    but its up to you to decide!
    danette624

    Answer by danette624 at 4:51 AM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • OP here It irritates DH to no end that she keeps asking. In fact he was pushing me to stop talking to her before now because he felt insulted that she kept asking. I feel really bad because I know why she keeps pushing to have him move in. Really, it is not weird. She is in a deep depression because of my fathers illness. They have been together since they were teenagers and she is watching him die slowly. It is killing her and she says she always feels better when DS is around. My father is so sick that she already feels alone. I hate that she is feeling this. I am feeling it too. That is my father, but I can't just give her my child. He is not a puppy that I can just give because it will make her feel better. This is my child. Plus, I feel that it is just too much presser to put on an 8 yo. To put him in a situation where he is not only being asked to keep his grandmother happy but to also keep his dying grandfather company.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:00 AM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • "I feel that it is just too much presser to put on an 8 yo. To put him in a situation where he is not only being asked to keep his grandmother happy but to also keep his dying grandfather company"

    could not have said it better myself...

    this may sound lame, but why not try to get her a trained dog (not a puppy) that can watch her and protect the house! it will be like a companion! like something to keep her busy and occupied even after your father has passed (which i am really sorry about by the way, that has to be awful) . i love dogs and they do make great friends and wonderful companions and they will love you forever!

    idk, just a thought though, but i would check into it.

    danette624

    Answer by danette624 at 6:13 AM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • OMG I know how you feel.. I lost my mother VERY tragically and unexpectedly about two years ago.. The best thing you and your family can do for you mom is take her out to eat, to the beach or places to get her out of the house. Try not to let her sit in the house and mope about it. Yes it hurts I wont deny but dragging a child into her depression will only effect him. I would limit her visiting with him.
    I'm torn as far as contacting your mom. Having loss my mom so early on. I'd say try to make all attempts to get her to understand.. she may be so hurt that she is not seeing or hearing you. The other part of me is saying wait for her to call you when she's ready... I don't know. GOOD LUCK!!!
    fireangel0310

    Answer by fireangel0310 at 6:33 AM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • Have you considered that your mother may be scared out of her mind and all she is looking for is someone to be with her? Of course, she would never admit that to you because it would make her look weak in your eyes. Why don't you ask her some questions and try to determine what her real motivations are. If you are then convinced that she is simply trying to steal your son, then you will know that you cannot allow that. If it's because she is afraid of being alone, then maybe you all can work something out. I know that when my dad died, my nephew stayed with my mom quite a lot because none of us wanted her to be alone, knowing that she was afraid, especially at night. It always pays to dig a little deeper into these kinds of issues to see what the real motivations are.

    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 7:35 AM on Oct. 20, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN