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I think we should see other people, he does not want to. What should we do?

I have been with my children's father for almost four years We have two sons. Shortly after the birth of our last child, he took a job in another state. He has an extremely hectic work schedule and although we talk on the phone several times per day, he very rarely visits us...maybe once every three months for a weekend. He did take his two week vacation when I had the baby too, and helped out a lot. Moving out to him is not an option for me. My friends and family are here and he is the worst "workoholic' that I've ever known. I would move out there and be alone all the time.

I know he loves me and the boys but this "long distance relationship" is tearing me down. I miss going out on dates, I miss looking into a man's eyes as we are talking, I miss touching and falling asleep with a man.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:41 AM on Oct. 20, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (18)
  • CONT-

    I have mentioned this to him before and he says he will do better, but things don't change. Yesterday when we were talking I said to him that I thought we should consider seeing other people. He acted like he didn't hear what I said and got off the phone real fast.

    Does anyone have any advice or solutions that can help me keep my sanity?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:42 AM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • i think you should suck it up, he working to take care of his kids and if you know he loves you you will work with him on this instead of ripping his heart out by sleeping around while he's gone, but it sounds like you don't love him
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:44 AM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • All I can say is you need to do what is best for your children. I'm not sure why you are not committed to the man you have children with. Do some research on the city where he lives; you may be surprised that you can build a life together.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 11:45 AM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • Personally I would not be with a man I never see. MY hubby travels for his job but won't go anywhere he cant take us cause he cant stand to be away from us. I told him along time ago that if I was not willing to be alone more than a week. I think for MY marriage to work we need to be together and if that doesn't happen then we would be filing for divorce.
    You need to seriously let him know how you feel. Let him know that you are unwilling to sleep and live alone anymore. That he is to either come to you or let you come to him. If he doesn't wanna do that then what is the difference of being married or seeing others? If you don't see each other anyways I don't see the point unless the job was short term( like a couple weeks). GL
    heather.darin

    Answer by heather.darin at 11:48 AM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • "Seeing other ppl" is a cop out
    You're either together or you aren't and you need to make a decision.

    If you really wanted to be with HIM, you would be.
    Gealach

    Answer by Gealach at 11:50 AM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • OP here- I have talked to friends about this too. I don't get why people feel a woman has to sacrifice her happiness for a man's. We are happy when he is here and I would commit to him totally if he were nearby. He would be happy working 16 hour days in another city as long as he can. Why does it seem everybody feels I should put my needs aside for his?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:56 AM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • I think you should ask him to move back or you are going to see other people. That would mean changing your relationship with him including less frequent communication.
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 11:57 AM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • I've been trying to tell my husband we should get a divorce for months. He doesnt believe me. Idk how to make them understand!
    Gavsmama06

    Answer by Gavsmama06 at 11:57 AM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • Honestly, Do YOU LOVE HIM?? if you do go with him. Sometimes you have to sacrafice in order to have better things in life.

    If you love him and you know he is their for both you and your kids. Move on with your life, step out of the box, and create your own life.

    Friends and family will always be there, but as you grow so does your family, you need to do what is best for your family.
    WOULD YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY LEAVE THEIR HUBBY'S OR WIFE BECAUSE OF A JOB LOCATION CHANGE, OR WILL THEY STAY WITH YOU? move on, it is hard, but go for it. If you love him.
    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 11:58 AM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • You should file for custody and child support if you haven't already done so.
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 11:59 AM on Oct. 20, 2009

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