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i feel completely disrespected

dh got a friend request on facebook from a girl we used to be close to, we would double date with her and her dh. They moved out of state and then back to the area, it was obvious they were seriously messed up (drugs of all sorts!) so we stopped calling them and seeing them --that was about 2 yrs ago.. She told dh she was new on facebook. She also said she wanted to get together for lunch because they work very close to each other now. I was put off because she didnt request for me to be her friend, didnt ask me to lunch as well, and when i signed on as him -- her husband was in none of the pictures. So i told dh --- do not go to lunch with her, tell her we should all go out like we used to... he said i was overreacting and had nothing to worry about. if the shoe was on the other foot, he wouldnt mind me hanging out with her dh without him... so he went to lunch with her!! then he told me about it, guess her ...

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:20 PM on Oct. 20, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • Ignore the haters Anon. You have every right to feel uneasy about your situation. You're not insecure, you are respecting yourself. Its important to have a relationship where trust is a main component and upheld by both partners. w/o it, there is only room for lies and deceit. You're doing the right thing by setting the expectation that there must be mutual respect in your marriage. IMO, the ladies who are insecure are the ones who let their men walk all over them b/c they're afraid that they can't do any better. There, I said it.
    kenzie07

    Answer by kenzie07 at 10:13 AM on Oct. 21, 2009

  • husband is on methadone and she is clean and living with her sister. that her dh and her will move back together when he gets off methadone. i am soooo pissed that he went to luhcn with her when i clearly expressed i did not want him to. i said, "you arent allowed to go out with women unless you have to for your work." and he did it anyways and then told me about it.... so what is a good revenge??? i dont worry that he will cheat. i know he never will but i dont think it is right for him to go out to lunch with other women anyways... that is money he should be spending on his FAMILY! what would you do to get revenge??? i need ideas.... i told him next time i will just have to write it on his forehead with permanent marker..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:23 PM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • He actually went to lunch with her? That is cheating in my book.
    gulfcoastmom4

    Answer by gulfcoastmom4 at 2:25 PM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • I trust my husband so if he went to lunch with an old friend then I would not be worried. Your husband was very open and honest it seems about how the lunch went with her so I dont understand why you are so upset. I think youare over reacting on this one. Revenge is never a good idea, it only causes problems, especially when you are married. If it bothers you that much and he would like to go out to lunch with her again then I would invite yourself that way you could catch up with her also. Doesn't sound like your husband would mind that too much with how open he is being about it.
    worriedmommy600

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 2:27 PM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • To say he cheated is a bit excessive golf coast. He was very open and honest about it.
    worriedmommy600

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 2:29 PM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • I wouldn't make an attempt at revenge... I prob wouldn't talk to my DH for about a week (that's what I do when I get very angry), then I would probably tell the old friend that I was uncomfortable with her asking my husband on a 'date'. No drama, I would just tell her that w/ a stone cold face, ask her to respect that, then walk away and never talk to her again. I don't know the details of your situation, but it does seem inappropriate.
    kenzie07

    Answer by kenzie07 at 2:30 PM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • I wouldn't have had a problem with it, but that's just me. And revenge is never a good idea
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 2:31 PM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • I would send her a message & ask her "did you enjoy lunch w/ my husband?" and then ask her to be your friend. If she deny's you, then you KNOW something is up. If she accepts you, then she knows you are in the facebook picture. It's a possibility that she just asked him because they work close together & can easily manage lunch during the day. Although, i would be leery too. I would really keep an eye open.  And DH would be in so much trouble right now! I would let him have it. I'd ask the hottest guy at work to lunch.

    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 2:41 PM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • I found your post very childish. I think he was entirely in the wrong for going when you expressed your feelings about it but to want revenge is what's bothering me. It's never a good idea no matter how good we'd feel in moments we were planning and maybe even carrying the plan out... the after affects makes us just as low as the person we're angry with.
    Is it possible that she didn't know you were on facebook? That she saw him on another friends friend list and yours wasn't there?
    Sounds kinda odd to me really. With her being seperated from her hubby, it was inappropriate for her to set up a lunch date with a married man but it was more inappropriate for him to go meet her.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 3:02 PM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • Revenge is not a good idea. I don't think he should have gone, but I don't think that spouses should set limitations on each other either. If you are mature enough to get married, then you are mature enough not to put yourself in a situation where the marital relationship can be stressed. I would ask him why he felt it was more important to see her for lunch than to consider your feelings. I would be hurt more than mad. Is this a pattern of behavior with him, or just a one time mistake?
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 3:35 PM on Oct. 20, 2009