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Question for moms that send their kids or get their kids for visitation.

I send my four children with clean clothes (of course) when they visit their dad, but they always send the clothes back dirty (even if it's a week long summer visit). I'm wondering how many of you get back clean clothes when your children come back from a visit. To me it just seems like common courtesy. I haven't made a big deal about it or anything, I was just wondering. My major issue with it is that the stains are set in by the time I get the clothes back. I have even tried sending a stain stick. Now I send play clothes and he gets annoyed. I've gotten my younger two back in dirty clothes because something got wet and they didn't have anything clean to put them in. It won't hurt them, but yuck.

Answer Question

Asked by prdill08 at 9:47 PM on Oct. 20, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 6 (120 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • My friend has clothes at her house for her Stepdaughter. Her SD changes from the clothes she comes from moms house and into clean clothes. When she goes home, she changes back into the clothes she came with. It is because the biomom would always send her daughter with dirty clothes and my friend had to do laundry so her sd had clean clothes. Momw would just send a bag a dirty, stinky clothes.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 9:51 PM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • That would be really frustrating to me. I don't have to deal with that sort of thing but was curious as to what the question was :)
    I don't know how to fix it, but I would never send new clothes with them, or just send some that they can keep there that way HE is responsible for cleaning them if he wants them wearing any clothes while they are there. Just send the clothes that he has already made dirty/stained. and tell him that he can keep them there and you will not send anymore clothes because you are tired of cleaning up after him...isn't that why he is no longer living with you? lol

    Answer by mammacjjc85 at 9:51 PM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • Okay, totally know where you are coming from, except my prob is that when my son comes back he ALWAYS is wearing different clothes that are too small, even his underwear. It makes me so mad. I mean first of all, why different clothes? and second of all why in the world do they put clothes on him that don't fit. that had to be uncomfortable for him and the underwear leaves red marks on him! that really makes me mad. I have certain outfits that i send him there in because I know I probably won't get them back, they aren't nice, but are clean and do fit. I like the stain stick thing btw...the nerve of him to get mad at you if the clothes aren't nice, if he wants them in nice clothes he should change them when he gets them instead of ruining their clothes.

    Answer by heartfrommyson at 10:00 PM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • Funny to think about it. I shopped thrift stores in a ritzy area of houston, and my daughter was beautifully dressed for a song. I would send nice clothes with ribbons, and matching leg warmers and didn't mind if they came back dirty, or if she forgot something. I figured they were spending time together and to do wash for a couple of outfits so what? He always returned stuff forgotten. He remarried, when my daughter flew to see him her step mom had everything clean and neatly folded. She returned one outfit in a plastic bag, and apologised because it was dirty and she didn't have time to wash it. God bless her, she had 5 other kids to deal with! I was a foster parent and saw lots of games with clothing. I like the answer have the clothes at your home, and they put them on and return in the clothes they came in-clean of coarse! Always have a spare set of shoes at your house. Gaming includes shoes bigtime! Good Luck!

    Answer by SEEKEROFSHELLS at 10:10 PM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • My ex always sends back the dirty clothes but I pefer to wash them because if it is something he likes of my sons he would just keep it for his other son with the new wife. Her own dtr. would keep my dtrs. clothes if she likes them. She actually did keep a top of my dtrs. and I told her to look for it and bring it back. it is not my job to clothe her dtr. so for me it its eaier this way.

    Answer by seashore29 at 10:13 PM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • I'm a custodial SM. BM has been providing the clothes during the time my DSS visits with her but, there was a time when she needed us to send clothes. I SAH so I'm always the one to get everything ready. I'd pack weather appropriate outfits & pj's with everything freshly washed & neatly folded. BM rarely washes his clothes. So, in the summer, if she asked for his swim trunks, I packed a plastic bag for her to put the wet trunks in. While he was potty training, I also packed plastic bags for urine soaked undies. This did not stop her from sending home wet or urine soaked clothes just mixed in with everything else, no apologies or explanation.  


    Answer by BubbaLuva at 10:27 PM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • I forgot to add how many pairs of shoes have been ruined. I did finally start picking up thrift store "play clothes" for visits. They sometimes keep extra underwear and socks from what I send to. If our roles were reversed I would have extra sets of clothes, underwear, socks, and pjs that I would keep at my house.
    Oh well. I'm not really upset over it. It's been this way for years. At least if I'm washing the clothes I can use stain remover on them and wash them right. I was mainly just seeing if anyone else has this same issue.

    Answer by prdill08 at 10:27 PM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • On the rare occasions she washed clothes they were never folded & didn't smell fresh so I would end up re-doing it. Personally, I can't imagine sending the other parent dirty clothes habitually. If nothing else I would at least hand wash the peed on clothes, hell I've done that plenty of times at home. I'd be embarrased. I mean things happen but, if I know I'm sending dirty clothes I'd at least apologize for the inconvenience. If BM was reasonable I'd say something but, she's not. I'm with you, if they can't care for the damn clothes they have NO business complaining about the play clothes. Sending the stain stick is another thing I'd do, too:) How would they like it if we sent the kids for their visits in dirty clothes?


    Answer by BubbaLuva at 10:41 PM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • At least your  x sends the clothes back, BM keeps clothes & claims to have no idea what we are reffering to when we ask for them back. UGH, I feel your pain. Send the play clothes, they are lucky you send them anything, plenty of non custodial parents have to provide their own clothing for the kids. Just remember, if this is your biggest problem, you're lucky:)


    Answer by BubbaLuva at 10:42 PM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • I understand the frustration some of you ladies are having. However, we had the opposite situation.

    I am the Step Mom and when we had visitation, the Bio-Mom always sent the kids in dirty, ratty, ill-fitting clothes and inappropriate shoes (slippers and flip-flops, in sizes too big). The children always looked homeless.

    After realizing that this wasn't an occassional thing, I took the kids out shopping and bought them decent clothing and shoes in the appropriate sizes to be kept at our house for visits.

    Honestly, the clothing the kids came to us in were in worse shape than even "play" clothes would be. No self respecting woman would send her child out in these clothes, and we certainly couldn't go out in public with the children dressed like that. The shoes (or slippers) were a broken ankle waiting to happen. Not appropriate for running and playing at all.


    Answer by Anonymous at 10:43 PM on Oct. 20, 2009

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