Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Do you think my husband abuses me?

My sister told me to sign up for Cafemom (she has an account) and ask this question, because she said I will be astounded by the people who agree with her. Okay fine. I am hesitant, but here it goes. First off, my sister refuses to visit me at my house because she cannot even be around my husband. The main things are that he won't let me cut my hair (its past my butt), because he says women with short hair are unattractive and if I cut my hair, he will cheat. So I haven't cut it in 12 years, only trimmed. He also scrapes the entire nights dinner into the trash if he doesn't approve of the way it came out. I have to be home by 10pm, no exceptions. My friends can only be are members of our church. I once went to the movies with a former high school friend and he flipped. I don't have a cell phone because he says women run up the bill gabbing about nonsense. We have 2 boys, and (continued)

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:18 AM on Oct. 21, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (25)
  • I'm not allowed to discipline them without asking his permission. That's basically it. How I feel, well it is the woman's place to serve her husband and I don't mind it. My only problem is not having a cell phone, boy that irritates me. So I was wondering if you have any advice I'd be very open because I dont have any opinion to base it off of, other than my sister.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:21 AM on Oct. 21, 2009

  • even if he isn't abusive, he sounds very controlling. if you were my sister and that is how her husband treated her, i wouldn't be able to go to her home either b/c i'd want to beat him over the head with a cast iron skillet. he claims talking on the phone wastes money, yet he will throw out a dinner if it doesn't meet his standards? you CAN'T cut your hair? its YOUR hair not his, if he can't control himself and his penis just b/c you cut your hair and he runs off and cheats, than is he really worth your time anyways? sorry hun, but i haven't even read the rest of your questions and i already have to side w/your sister.

    Answer by jessil83 at 12:21 AM on Oct. 21, 2009

  • after reading the rest of your question, you are THEIR MOTHER! if you don't discipline them, what you have to wait and ask permission to put them in time out? sorry honey but F*** that S***.

    Answer by jessil83 at 12:22 AM on Oct. 21, 2009

  • I dont know if I would call that abuse, but it is for sure controlling, disrespectful, and not accepting behavior. I personally would never be with someone who treated me that way. My husband doesnt always like what I cook either, but he doesnt waste food by disrespectfully dumping it in the trash he just casually makes himself something else to eat. He also doesnt like short hair, but would not try to tell me what to do and especially wouldnt tell me he would cheat on me for cutting it, its only hair, it will grow back. I guess its not what you do its how you do it and he is doing it badly and over the top. He could still have his opinions without control and rudeness.


    Answer by EarthMom6 at 12:27 AM on Oct. 21, 2009

  • this is a troll don't waste your time answering..

    Answer by Jillybeans24 at 12:27 AM on Oct. 21, 2009

  • Yes. Being overly controlling is a form of emotional abuse and due to his own insecurities as a man. Threatening you with potential infidelity if you decide to change your appearance, deciding who you can and can't be friends with, throwing away food that you worked hard on, not allowing you to have basic things like a cell phone. You are his wife, not a child. If you believe it's your place to let your husband be the leader of the house, that's fine. But you do deserve to be honored and respected by him and treated like a fellow adult...and it's time you stood up for yourself. Sounds like you will have plenty of support from your sister. She did a good thing telling you how she feels and encouraging you to seek advice.

    Answer by moniquinha at 12:28 AM on Oct. 21, 2009

  • Just read the rest of your question too, my husband and I are fairly old fashioned in our views and my husbands not an asshole. If he is the king of his castle then you are the queen. While the roles are different they both deserve respect.


    Answer by EarthMom6 at 12:30 AM on Oct. 21, 2009

  • I would not take my husband belittling me like that sounds like you live in a very lonely closed in world! God Bless You can you not negotiate some stuff? lol I would think he is very spoiled why did you ever start letting him take all your power over yor life! I hope he knows he is not obeying the Bible when he mistreats you! Yes get away for a while!

    Answer by gaurdianangels at 12:32 AM on Oct. 21, 2009

  • He's very controlling which is a form of mental abuse!! I definately agree with ur sis..i have a little sister and in my opinion ur sister is being good about it bc i would've snapped on him already!! I told my DH about it and he agrees with me..he would never treat me like that in a million years. And like my DH says "if you let him do it he will, it's human nature"

    Answer by WAREIZLILYBUGZ at 12:36 AM on Oct. 21, 2009

  • This is emotional abuse. You can't let a man treat you badly. That is not fair to you. Plus he is instilling in your sons that they can treat you and their future wives badly!! You don't want that, do you?

    Answer by Abbey3 at 12:36 AM on Oct. 21, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.