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Wishing my autistic child away.

I feel very guilty about this. I have 6 year old twins, one autistic girl and a typical boy. I was walking in the store with my son, enjoying our time together, his sense of humor, his conversation, his calmness, his normalness. And a thought occured to me, life would be so much easier if it were just him and me. It just came out of no where, and I immediately corrected my thoughts, but...

Now I love my daughter. In realilty, I would die if anything happened to her. Sometimes I just wish it wasn't so hard. DH told me I was feeling sorry for myself and to stop it. But, there it was. DH is still in denial about how bad her condition is. As are my parents. They think she will grow out of it. I've done enough research to know that's not going to happen.

Is this normal? Sometimes I cry for the loss of the little girl she could have been. I worry about her future. And sometimes I just want to run away.


Asked by Anonymous at 2:37 PM on Oct. 21, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • I feel that it is fairly normal. You are grieving the child that you thought you would have.
    Instead of landing in Paris you find yourself in Norway. ...No doubt you are going to have feelings about that.

    I hope that you have your little girl in early intervention. ASD is not something that she can grow out of but it is something that you can teach her how to cope with.
    good luck to you! and although your feelings are normal ...try not to get sucked into them. THAT will destroy you and her.

    Answer by outstandingLove at 2:41 PM on Oct. 21, 2009

  • Remember -Not her fault. or yours or that matter. take breaks and rest.

    Answer by Help707 at 2:42 PM on Oct. 21, 2009

  • Only you and her dad have the power to teach her and work with her to give her a brighter future, so quit feeling sorry for yourself and do what 's best for your daughter to make her happy.

    Answer by MommaRox4683 at 2:44 PM on Oct. 21, 2009

  • DD has been in early intervention since she was 2. She has an iep for an aid. Her difficulties are all behavioral right now. She sees the school psychologist weekly and participates in weekly group social skills classes. She's bright and doing well accademically in a mainstream classroom.

    I've read books and do therapies with her to teach her to cope and to become more flexible and less volitile. Perhaps there should be more. The more I read the more there seems to be things to do, and some of it is contradictory, and there is no gold standard. I always feel I'm not doing enough. Meanwhile DH and parents think she just needs more discipline. Oy vey.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:49 PM on Oct. 21, 2009

  • I'm sorry you feel that way. And to be honest, when I read your post, it made me mad. I have an autistic 4 year old boy, and I could never imagine my life without him. Those kind of thoughts never crossed me mind. He is the way he is for a reason. I don't know the reason, but it's not important anyway, to me. He is the most awesome little boy in my eyes. Now, wishing things weren't so hard sometimes I can totally relate to. Perhaps a support group would help you out? I'm not trying to be mean. I just wanted you to know how I felt, and make a suggestion for you. I hope you feel better about it soon.

    Answer by NightPhoenix at 2:57 PM on Oct. 21, 2009

  • Yeah, I was angry with myself too. I don't know where that thought came from. Maybe wishing my dd away was the wrong way to put it. It was more like, I wish life could be more calm and happy, like this moment. I do love my daughter dearly and have done everything I can to help her. She's a sweetheart, which is what makes this even more heart breaking. Maybe I shouldn't have posted this.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:03 PM on Oct. 21, 2009