Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

White Parents Adopting Black Baby

I would like to adopt a baby from Ethiopia. My husband and I are white and we have friends of all different ethnic backgrounds and a supportive family that is not racist in any way.

We are working with an agency now to adopt a child from Africa. I don't know if it is cold feet, but now my husband is starting to say that he is really worried about adopting a black baby for their sake. He said stigmas attached to having white parents may make him/her feel alone and unable to fit in. This was never a concern the year before we discussed adoption.

I feel angry with him and almost feel like he is being racist. He does not think the same stigmas are there for other races/ethnicities. Where did this come from?

Lastly, what are your thoughts on white parents raising a black baby? Of course we know there will be issues but we are good and loving parents with a lot to offer.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:03 PM on Oct. 21, 2009 in Adoption

This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • My husband and I are white and have 2 adopted african american children, 1 asian child and 2 biological children. Beware that adoptive parents are very high and mighty and ride high on their horses. They will try to tell you that love is not what matters, but it is. You will learn all the challenges along the way on your own - no matter how many books you read or how much advice you get nothing will prepare you. But nothing ever prepares one for parenting.

    Your husband is right to be concerned, but over the past year I have a feeling you dealt with those concerns already. Now you are hurt because he is rehashing them. This is normal. Everyone gets cold feet when they are going through a big change in life.

    If you raise your child in a loving home, with a lot of support, and deal with the racial issues that will always be present - you will be SUCESSFUL! When you forget that love is the answer, and try to force feed
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:51 AM on Oct. 22, 2009

  • I don't think a child feels that way unless the parents make them feel that way. I knew a girl in highschool who was white and had two younger sisters both black (actually I think they were half black). It was her biological parents and they decided to adopt the two girls who were black. I'm pretty sure the girls were just as happy and healthy as can be. They're grown up now and just beautiful. They had a very loving family and it wasn't really an issue for anyone.
    lowencope

    Answer by lowencope at 4:07 PM on Oct. 21, 2009

  • I think any parent of any race who adopts ANY child from ANY country is wonderful. Can you talk to other white couples who have adopted black children? I'm sure there are resources out there. I don't think you have to worry about the chid feeling alone or fitting in especially if you continue to have people of all races around you. Get books from his country and books about black children. Teach him about his culture and where he is from as he grows and learns.
    I've always wished more couples would adopt black children so kudos to you and your family. I hope everything works out!
    MamaChamp

    Answer by MamaChamp at 4:10 PM on Oct. 21, 2009

  • You should have nothing to worry about!! I am bi-racial and most of the time it was my mom who is mexican raising me. Most people thought I was adopted. Other than that there are really no issues! I know a lot of people who adopted out of they're race and have little to no issues about it! It shouldn't matter what color they are!
    momavanessa

    Answer by momavanessa at 4:13 PM on Oct. 21, 2009

  • I am sure that you can find a support group in your area for parents who have adopted from African countries.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 4:15 PM on Oct. 21, 2009

  • I am sure you will get lots of good advice on this but this is something that you are wise to really research first. Actually, you will probably get some training on this topic during your home study.

    It is very generous and idealistic to think that "Love is enough" to get past a lot of the hurdles but they do exist and while they are no insurmountable, you need to be aware of them. Being adopted is sometimes hard enough, wearing it so obviously on your skin is another level.

    One very important note of caution, Africa is one of the more fraudulent places to adopt from. If you see anything from Cammeroon, no matter how good it sounds, it is likely a fraud. Be extremely careful who you use for the adoption, good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:56 PM on Oct. 21, 2009

  • I don't think your husband is being racist at all, he is being realistic. As an adoptive mom, I think to myself...how would I feel if I (a white girl) lived in an all black community with black parents, black school mates, black teachers, black pastors, black friends? No matter how much people told me it didn't matter that I was white, I would always feel like people were staring at me. Not to mention the fact that many strangers stop my mom and ask about my adoption story, since it is so obvious that I am adopted.

    I just think that it would hurt too much for me to be in that kind of situation. And since I basically live in an all white community (literally, the ethinic rate is like 2%). How can I relate to a child who is having "issues" with this? I think it is wiser to admit your limitations before you bring a child into your home. Your husbands feelings are valid and you would be wise to hear him out and have a long talk.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:10 PM on Oct. 21, 2009

  • The sad fact is that hispanic and asian ethnic groups aren't discriminated against as much. It is wrong and sad, but it is true. I think you might be being a little idealistic to stick your head in the sand and say that it doesn't matter (to the child) what race they are.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:14 PM on Oct. 21, 2009

  • my parents/family adoped my little sister when I was 15, she is mayan indian from guatamala, No one ever says anything about my parents being white and her not, it is always positive feedback when people realize, (to top it off my parents were 50 when they adopted her making them now 58 and her 8) I think if someone ever causes negativity that you guys as parents can turn it around, love and support are what matter, if she/he is getting that from you guys and your family, he/she will be happy (as happy as any child can be) go for it!
    It is normal for guys to get cold feet i think before any big change...he'll get over it or maybe there is something else going on there to make him want to back our?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:40 PM on Oct. 21, 2009

  • I am a parent in a multicultural family thorough a transracial adoption. Your husband is being very sensitive and right on target. Any couple wanting to adopt a child from a different ethnic/culture needs to consider the things he is thinking about. What a smart man you married! I had similar thoughts because they are valid concerns and issues. Ultimately we made the decision together that while there would be bumps in the road for all of us we could do this. We do think of our child first and this is the part that upsets me about other transracial families. They are so casual and talk about being "color blind." I know of a few families that do not consider their child's race as factors in their lives.  What we have done: moved to a very mixed community where there are almost equal white and black families along with other different "types' of families. The school he will attend has an equal percentage of black students

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 8:50 PM on Oct. 21, 2009

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN