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help I'm scared he's gonna leave!

how can I get a new attitude and more energy? when df and I met (15 months ago) I was a fun flirty kind of girl. now that dd is born (2months old) and I have full custody of my 3 year old, I have become extremely boring, bitchy, and lazy. he hasn't said or done anything to suggest he's going to leave but I wouldn't blame him. how can I make myself more fun and flirty like before? I know how to keep my house clean but how do I motivate myself to get off my ass and clean? I know I can do it when dd is sleeping or I can wear her if she's awake and I can get ds to help, making it a game, but I just can't get motivated... HELP!!!!!!!

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:05 PM on Oct. 21, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • Give yourself a bit of a break. you have a 2 month old and a 3 year old. you are EXHAUSTED.. rightfully so. you will get it back you just have to get in the swing of things honey.. raising and caring for kids is HARD!! motivation will happen eventually.. being bitchy, well you are tired, feeling behind , probably still hormonal.. give yourself some time, just be honest with him how you are feeling and let him know you do WANT to get back to where you were, it just might take some time! It took me almost a full year to stop being over tired, bitchy, edgy and for us to stop bickering and we were together for over 10 years before our son came into our lives.. it gets hard.

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 10:10 PM on Oct. 21, 2009

  • Make yourself get up when he does, put on a pot of coffee, hop in the shower, and get "ready" for your day. You will feel SOOOO much better and you will get so much more done!
    If I just put on jeans and shoes, I am more positive and productive than sweats and socks =)

    Answer by christyg at 10:11 PM on Oct. 21, 2009

  • It sounds as though you need a medical checkup and blood tests to make sure there isn't a glandular or hormonal problem It could be postpartum depression, too. It doesn't sound to me as though you are lazy. Two young children can wear people out. So find out if there is a medical problem. Meanwhile, to answer your question about dealing with your DF: you know that song "Whistle a happy tune."? The singer is afraid but pretends to be happy and finds out that she is. So pretend that you have energy, and even if you feel cranky, pretend that you are happy when he walks in the door. Greet him with a hug and a smile and kiss. Act as though he is the best guy on earth, fix his favorite meals. Even if you don't feel energetic, act as though you are. I've done it for years as a teacher- I have to behave as though I am happy and lively, even if I am sad and tired. but see a doctor.

    Answer by Bmat at 10:12 PM on Oct. 21, 2009

  • I have a 5 year old, 3 year old and 7 month old. I am tired and am always busy. Sometimes the house doesn't get cleaned like it should, but I always make sure that I put time in with my kids. They will never remember what the house looked like when they were little, but they will always remember how much time is spent with them. That is first off. Next, just do one BIG chore a day. Vacuum one day, mop the next, laundry the next. It is important to remember that you do not have to do it all in one day. Also, you do not have to be fun and flirty with a 2 month old. I bet you can't remember how much sleep you got the day before or what color underwear your are wearing right now. Get some rest, play with your kids and things will fall into place as the world turns. You also need to discuss this with your DF. Let him know how you feel and maybe get checked for the baby blues. I hope things get better. Good luck.


    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 12:42 AM on Oct. 22, 2009

  • i like to to have just one glass of wine and turn on some music, feel the beat and clean the whole house and the babies are entertained whatching me go!

    Answer by bondgirl11 at 5:04 PM on Oct. 22, 2009

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