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Is this the right approach?

I have absolutley had it! I'm sick and I'm tired of wasting my time with relationships that go no where. My last boyfriend after my divorce last 7 months and ended up going nowhere. I have decided that I am not going to pursue ANYONE, if they want me then they can come to me, ask me out, no more asking my friends to fix me up, no more calling a guy, I'm just fed up. At least that way I will know they were interested in me first. Do you think that's a smart approach?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:13 AM on Oct. 22, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Yes if you want a guy that will work for the relationship...if you are doing all the maintenance on it, then he has to do nothing and it shows him that he can do what he wants at his pace and if he doesn't act, you will.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 9:18 AM on Oct. 22, 2009

  • yes, when u just think about yourself that when it seems they flock and u can try and pick out a good one i have been there. good luck.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:19 AM on Oct. 22, 2009

  • If it works for you then yeah. But, i think if you like someone & the feeling is mutual, then you should make at least a small effort.

    Why was your 7 month relationship not going anywhere? 7 months is early to decide on a direction. I think after one year, a couple should sit down & decide if they should take things further. Some may see that as a waste of time, but it's better knowing whether or not you can stay with someone forever. I guess though, if after 7 don't like the guy then i guess i understand moving on. But, for a lot of guys....7 months is early to decide on whether or not the next step should be taken. My suggestion, keep it on dating levels. Do not let the guy move in, see him only on weekends. When you keep a limit, men tend to want more. Hope all my yapping helped.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:20 AM on Oct. 22, 2009

  • *OP* He didn't want a relationship after all. I loved him, he broke my heart. I would have gladly tried to see where it was going but he just didn't want it anymore so really there was nothing I could do. I'm just tired of dating and men I think I need a break.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:22 AM on Oct. 22, 2009

  • write a list of what you want from a man and what flaws you are willing to accept. If you meet someone and he dont measure up then keep it moving!! You will find happiness if you stop settling for unhappiness :)

    Answer by Mrs.Oriaku at 9:24 AM on Oct. 22, 2009

  • Great idea. You don't need a man to be happy.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:33 AM on Oct. 22, 2009

  • I saw a post on Yahoo answers from a Man and it made a lot of sense to me. He said if you like a man, then you should always play hard to get because men enjoy a challenge. He said send them mixed signals. By mixed signals he meant be friendly one minute and totally ignore them the next. If a man thinks you're too available, or in love too soon, it will make him run the other way. Make yourself challenging and you will have more options than you know what to do with.

    Answer by lowencope at 9:46 AM on Oct. 22, 2009

  • I kind of use this approach. There's someone I'm sort of involved with right now: I never call him, he always calls me. When we are both on Yahoo messenger, I wait for him to message me. I waited for him to request to be my friend on Facebook. I wait for him to ask me out for a date. But I call him sweetie and mention how cute he is or how much I enjoy spending time with him or talking to him or whatever, so he does know I am interested. But I make him initiate contact and dates and such, and it works beautifully. I know without doubt that he is interested, or he wouldn't work this hard, and I don't have to worry about coming on too strong and scaring him off or anything. Now, I won't do it forever, eventually I'll start initiating contact cause it's not fair to make him do all the work forever. Just don't pass up a great guy b/c you want him to come to you. Good luck!

    Answer by tropicalmama at 10:04 AM on Oct. 22, 2009

  • The right approach is what is best for your kids...

    Answer by rkoloms at 10:25 AM on Oct. 22, 2009

  • If that is what you feel you need, do it. I have never found that running around chasing men leads to anything good. The best men seem to be the ones who come to you. I met my husband that way. We saw each other just about every day for a few months before he actually approached me. And even then we went slow and it turned out so well. As for your ex-boyfriend, if a guy can't figure out what out if he wants to be in a relationship before a year or even seven months, he is not very mature. Enjoy your break and relax.

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 1:07 PM on Oct. 22, 2009

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