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Would you write them off completely?

First let me say my ex husband can't be around our kids because he assaulted one of them and will go to jail if he comes near them.

My daughter had her 3rd bday party a few weeks back. I invited my inlaws because they are after all still her family. Well only my MIL and GMIL came and I had also invited my GFIL and uncle inlaw and his wife. My MIL/GMIL showed up half an hour late, got themselves a plate of food and halfway thru the opening of presents my MIL got up and went outside without saying a word. We just kept on with the gifts, my GMIL went to check and said they were leaving because my MIL's knee hurt too much. They left without even saying bye to my daughter.

Come to find out the stress of my ex not being able to come was the reason my MIL left. It was "too hard" on HER. Nevermind MY KIDS or ME. Oh, and my GFIL/Uncle inlaw didn't come bc they were keeping my ex company at hooter's since he couldn't come.


Asked by Anonymous at 9:52 AM on Oct. 22, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • I wouldn't contact them anymore. Let them grow up. Family does not act like that did, especially at a child's birthday party. They should be ashamed of themselves, not to mention their son for assaulting one of his children. And he should have been at whatever home he is living in now thinking about what a horrible thing he did, not playing around at Hooter's oogling women with his male relatives.

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 12:00 PM on Oct. 22, 2009

  • I wouldn't write them off completely-- they are family after all. I would, probably in a letter, tell them that you want them to be a part of your children's lives, but you don't want to cause them stress and pain. Tell them that they are welcome at your children's functions, but you will no longer pressure them with invitations. Let them know to contact you if and when they would like to be involved in something- or if something like facebook is available, give them dates and times that way.

    Answer by IrishMommaC at 10:00 AM on Oct. 22, 2009

  • I think it depends on how much time has passed since the assault. I can see the whole situation being overwhelming to them but they are afterall family to your children. I dont think this is enough reason to write them off. I have the same situation where my ex has supervised visits and over time they have seen his faults and opened their doors to me and my dd. I havent said a bad word about their son so they never had to defend him to me, but they know how he is. It is not soemthing we discuss instead they just see my dd when they are close by and a few weeks ago I flew out and stayed 5 days with them so she could spend more time with them. It has been almost 5 yrs since the divorce and they are grateful to see their granddaughter and know she is taken care of. I would just let this one slide and give it time.

    Answer by ria7 at 10:01 AM on Oct. 22, 2009

  • take it with a grain of salt. You were doing the right thing in inviting them. They should be on the child's side on this one. My in-laws would kick my husband's butt if he did something like that and wouldn't feel sorry for him at all. Im quite sure that if my son grows up and decides to assualt one of his children, I would certainly be okay with him not being around my grandchild at all! If she is going to be in denial about what happened, then what kind of person is that to have around your child anyway? She needs to look at what's best for the child not what makes her "comfortable" .

    Answer by lowencope at 10:03 AM on Oct. 22, 2009

  • I think I would just have them let make contact with you. Don't put in any effort that they won't. If they really care about your dd they will try.

    Answer by wilesmomma at 10:32 AM on Oct. 22, 2009

  • *they* not that.

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 12:01 PM on Oct. 22, 2009