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How to get my 19month old to listen and others to understand?

OK let me start out by saying that my husband and I live with his mother(she was having money problems) and her youngest son(hes 10 an my husband is 25). When we moved here(we moved 5hours away) my 19yr old sister came with us, well over the last few days my 19month old son Jaylin started acting out! Everything I say or ask him he just screams "NOOOO"! I mean literaly EVERYTHING, he knows what the word "no means" and he will say no and start to scream and even gets on the floor throwing his feet! my mother in-law n sister seem to think I need to spank him but i feel he is doing it our of frustration bcuz he is tryin to tell us what he wants but were not understanding! They seem to think do I get him to calm down and listen to me and get my sis n mother inlaw to understand whats going on with him? I dont n wont spank him just bcuz he is crying n we dont no y!! plz help

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Asked by missyk0325 at 12:03 PM on Oct. 22, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 2 (6 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • Redirection i think would work. When he is acting up or out put him in a diff situation. Go in his room and color. Let him do something else other then what he is freaking out about.

    Answer by Mrs.Oriaku at 12:16 PM on Oct. 22, 2009

  • I have tried that but if I touch him or even talk to him he continues to scream no...should I just pick him up ne way?

    Answer by missyk0325 at 12:45 PM on Oct. 22, 2009

  • Sounds like you have a very determined toddler on your hands. I agree with PP about using redirection. In my opinion, spanking only teaches that it's ok to hit when you're mad. You don't mention how recently you moved but assuming it is recent, part of the problem may simply be adjusting to the changes. I would definitely try redirection. Pick him up and calmly carry him someplace else where he can settle down. I tend to carry my son facing away from me when he's made so the flying arms and legs don't hit me.. I found that not repeating whatever caused him to start screaming in the first place (i.e don't keep telling him he can't have a cookie) or acknowledging the tantrum (i.e. don't try to tell him to stop screaming) helped to end it more quickly. I tend to act like nothing is wrong and get his attention moved to something new. Pick up a toy and play where he can only partically see you. He may get curious.

    Answer by momofryan07 at 1:19 PM on Oct. 22, 2009

  • Read "Happiest Toddler on the Block" if you can. Try to acknowledge his feelings, or his wants, prior to redirection. I went through a terrible tough time with my son, because he couldn't communicate and tell us his wants and needs. We just suffered through it, and I'm with you, I don't think spanking is the answer. Now that he is 25 months, he can talk better and those type tantrums have essentially stopped.

    I'd look at your relatives and confidently say, "well imagine the fit you'd throw if you couldn't ever tell anybody what you wanted, it's frustrating for him, and I'm not going to beat him for that, jeez, what is wrong with you???" Maybe they'll lay off!!

    Answer by Marti123 at 1:26 PM on Oct. 22, 2009

  • Obey! You mean obey not listen!

    A good way to start is to stop using the word no. When you have to say no say it in another way. The average toddler hears no 400 times a day! Here is a link.

    The book Love & Limits is a great little book about toddler discipline by Elizabeth Crary. She also has a web site called Star Parenting. Here is a little parenting chart you can print out and put on your fridge from her website.

    One of her first books was Without Spanking or Spoiling. It came out in 1981 when my oldest was 2. It changed my life and shaped my parenting.

    You might be able to teach your little guy to sign no. Then the shouting no may stop. It must be hard for him having so many people trying to "parent" him. You are right on about not spanking. He is a stron willed child and it wouldn't work.

    Answer by Gailll at 1:26 PM on Oct. 22, 2009

  • I think this is truly an age and not understand thing, like you said. you do NOT need to spank your child - tons of kids go through the NO stage at this age and tantrums - biggest reason for the tantrums IS because lack of communication. FIRMLY tell your mom in law and sister you are NOT going to spank him and YOU will deal with this. If they have differnet views, you just won't get them to ever understand. periood. so you should stop trying. instead work on your little one. No and tamtrums at this age are normal.. doesn't mean they need to be tolerated but normal

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 2:03 PM on Oct. 22, 2009

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