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Should I leave them with him and try to make a better life and go back for them?

I've been thinking that I'd like to leave them with him for maybe a year and try to get a job and save money. Get my mind, body and pocket strong to raise them again and also to show him how hard it is especially his family who thinks i complain for no reason. I am unemployed and I have 2 boys under 2 years and their dad and i split. Its been hell trying to get him to understand how hard it is to take care of them with 150 or less a month depending on how much he feels he should give me. He and his family use my status against me and threaten me because i want to go on welfare to help my situation until i can help myself. Does anyone know a family lawyer or about something like this?

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:07 PM on Oct. 22, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (9)
  • No one can recommend an attorney without knowing where you are.

    Your status? As in not having money, or are you talking about immigration status? Not a=having money isn't something that can be used against you because you can always get assistance. Immigration status...that's another thing.

    Bottom line: What will be best for the children? That is what you need to do.

    Answer by gdiamante at 8:13 PM on Oct. 22, 2009

  • I would file for child support. If you really are serious about pulling things back together (I'm not saying you aren't) then go to the social services and file it. $150 is not enough for 2 babies that doesn't even cover diapers and food for 1 of them! By going there and making it official, he might get mad because he doesn't get a say in what comes out of his paycheck anymore but it will take care of your kids. Also, my state has a program to help working families with the cost of childcare if both parents are working and meet the income requirements, maybe yours does too. Does he see the kids at all? Maybe he could take the kids on the weekend while you work part time? A parent who only pays $75 a paycheck to support 2 babies doesn't seem very concerned about them so I may be a little worried to leave them totally in his complete care for 2 whole days but I would not give them to him. I wish you the best!

    Answer by katie23 at 8:23 PM on Oct. 22, 2009

  • I wouldn't just leave them with him. My very dear friend did this and pays for it heavily now. It took her five years of criticizm and courtrooms to get him back. I would find another way.

    Answer by Steff107 at 8:30 PM on Oct. 22, 2009

  • Just b/c you get assistance doesn't mean they can do anything to you, if you are an unfit parent as in you abuse your kids, neglect them, or abuse drugs then yeah they can do something. I wouldn't give them up b/c you don't know if you'll ever get them back.

    Answer by MommaRox4683 at 8:46 PM on Oct. 22, 2009

    thank u all for ur advice:-) I WILL NOT GIVE THEM UP

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:00 PM on Oct. 22, 2009

  • I will not leave in a situation like that. If you want to get a job is a website where you can get a job. Also, if you need to go to welfare do. hopely you get a job and you need child care NYC has a program that pays for your chlid care
    Good luck

    Answer by zip10469 at 9:58 PM on Oct. 22, 2009

  • First, you need to file for child support and make it go through the courts. Next, find an attorney in your city to help you. Then, you need to NOT leave the kids with your ex. It sounds like his family and him will use that against you. If you leave them, you may not get custody back. Go to the welfare office and apply for whatever you can get. Check into what they will pay for schooling, get an education and a job. It won't be easy but in the end it will be well worth it.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:07 PM on Oct. 22, 2009

  • Don't leave your kids. Possession is 9/10ths of the law!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:29 AM on Oct. 23, 2009

  • Do not leave your kids! If you leave them you will not be able to just go back & get them. Go to social services. Apply for aid. They can also go after him for child support. Ask about mental health programs. You need some counseling. Ask about employment services & daycare.

    Do not talk to your ex about anything other than the kids. You do not want to give him anything he can use against you.

    Answer by motherofhope98 at 10:58 AM on Oct. 23, 2009

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