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About 2 months ago I got a trial membership to a very "adult" dating website out of curiosity. I looked once or twice and my curiosity was appeased. I never visited again and forgot about it. My S/O needed to use my computer yesterday and...

the website came up in the search bar. We argued because he thinks I'm cheating on him, when in fact I was just bored and nosy. He is talking about getting counseling or worse. how can I make him be reasonable?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:43 PM on Oct. 23, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • I'd tell him "so what?" You are not married to him. So what if you got curious and went out to see what others are doing. You didn't act on it and date anyone so he needs to get over himself. To me it's the equivalent of men going out and looking at women. I don't think he has anything to complain about. He needs to make sure he takes care of your needs so you don't have to go back to those sites and replace him! Tell him it's all good
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:21 PM on Oct. 23, 2009

  • Did you make a profile? Show it to him if you did, he can see right there if you were actually talking to anybody or not. Also if he wants to go to counseling that probably wouldn't be a bad thing even if you didn't do anything. He obviously has some trust issues with you for whatever reason and counseling could bring out why that is and get to the root of any issues to help you solve them.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:53 PM on Oct. 23, 2009

  • I agree...think about what your reaction would have been if the situation had been reversed...he's not being unreasonable IMO.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:57 PM on Oct. 23, 2009

  • I would be pissed to if I were him. He has every right to be. You don't go to those sites out of curiosity unless you are looking for something that you feel you are missing.
    Let me put it this way. If my husband does something that he has to lie about and will hurt me when I find out, it is cheating, and vice versa. We think of each others feelings before doing anything. You did not think of his feelings before being curious. You may not have met anyone or even talked to anyone but to most it would still be cheating because you did something that would cause him pain without considering his feelings at all. I think he is right to suggest that you get help and if you are interested in saving your relationship you'll do it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:22 PM on Oct. 23, 2009

  • I agree that he honestly has every right to be upset and the fact that he is suggesting counserling and not just dumping you off is commendable on his part. I don't necessarily think that you did a horrible thing, but think about it from his perspective - he finds out that you were visiting a DATING WEBSITE while supposedly being "faithful" to him, and you think he's being unreasonable for being upset??? Would you believe HIM if you found him on a site like that and he claimed he was just "curious"? Honestly? I'd thank your lucky stars that he didn't dump you and do whatever it takes to make him trust you again, even if you see what you did as "innocent". B/c it sure as hell doesn't LOOK "innocent", no matter what excuse you use.
    Iskkra

    Answer by Iskkra at 5:37 PM on Oct. 23, 2009

  • Would you be reasonable if he did that?! You owe him an apology and counseling if that's what he needs to get over this.
    Orionsgirl

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 7:47 PM on Oct. 23, 2009