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Why do moms suffer in silence?

I just had my first baby. She is 9 mos. Along with how much hard work mommy-hood is (DH and I both work full-time on top of it) I am still pretty shocked at how little moms complain or fess up about the difficulty of raising children. It's 2009! I thought it would be more acceptable to be honest about how stressful, difficult, tiring, & mentally straining the whole experience of being a mother can be. Of course, we love our children, I love my child, but why can't we be more honest about the hardships? I have friends with kids who (I can tell this, I know them) put on this happy face when I know they are having a hard time with it all. It is just so stressful at times. Why aren't we more honest with each other? Are we trying to just be super-moms? Did we learn this from our own mothers? This interests me a lot. I wonder if other women notice this.


Asked by Anonymous at 6:04 PM on Oct. 23, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Telling the truth would be detrimental to the continuation of the human race! If people knew how tough parenthood was, they'd refuse to have babies. **grin**

    More seriously...often people say anything because they think something is wrong if they aren't that image of Motherhood by Gerber, where mom is perfectly coiffed and made up, wearing a lovely white gauze gown and the sleeping baby is swaddled in a fuzzy blanket.

    Nobody realizes that this is Madison Avenue's image...and has nothing to do with reality.

    Answer by gdiamante at 9:17 PM on Oct. 23, 2009

  • I was raised without a mom, so I didn't get it from her. I work 40+ hours a week, I am a full time student, and I do everything around the house. Maybe I act like I'm supermom because I AM supermom! But seriously.. It is stressful sometimes, but in all honesty, I wouldn't change the stress or the hard times we have because it just brings us closer (me, my DD and my SO).

    Good luck momma!

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:11 PM on Oct. 23, 2009

  • Once I had a child and found out what a hard job it is I understood why my mom kept telling me to wait to have children. It's not for the weak at heart. You give mind, body and soul. I don't think anyone can explain that to anyone. They have to experience it for themselves. Complain? I'm not sure what one can truly say other than it's harder than we thought. We grow from the experience. We learn, we get strong and we can then decide if we want to repeat the experience and have another child or give ourselves fully as a parent to just one child. Looking back, I do remember complaining a lot when I had my first child. I had a great emotional system in my family but I had to do the work on my own, no babysitters, no help from the bio dad. After a while I learned complaining was just a waste of energy so I chose to stop complaining and channel that energy toward a more positive goal...or take a nap, whichever came first!

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:12 PM on Oct. 23, 2009

  • I was at the level of working or giving my daughter up. (I was a single mother. ) There was no middle, since I had no family support. So, I had to roll with the punches. I worked and paid another mom to watch my daughter as I worked. Her daughters and my daughter formed a sisterhood. My daughter (17 yrs) is my only child.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:23 PM on Oct. 23, 2009

  • Not trying to be supermom. But no matter what I say, there is always some one somewhere who has it worse than me, so why should I bother complaining about that which I can't do anything about?

    I have three kids close in age, two are special needs all three of them have asthma...I have a husband who has a job, but whose boss isn't paying him nearly as much as he should be (as in, not making payroll...not that I think he deserves more money...we're not getting any!) He won't do anything to get us any assistance or food stamps and we're going under fast. I have to track what's going on with my sons' services and make sure their IEP's are being met and followed. I've been "honest". Has it done any good? No. Has it changed anything? No. Is there someone out there worse off than me? Sure as hell is, which now makes me feel bad for complaining about my life.


    Answer by Anonymous at 6:44 PM on Oct. 23, 2009

  • Too much pride, usually women want people to see them as perfect mothers, wife with a perfect everything which is not possible we all make mistakes and all have struggles but we don't want other people knowing so. My opinion

    Answer by looovemybabies at 6:53 PM on Oct. 23, 2009

  • some people dont complain because we know there are worse situations out there than ours. mine is I have a 4 yr old and i have no job. I have a husband that supports us. But we have a roof over our head, clothes on our backs and food to eat. there are mothers out there homeless with their children, that cant feed thier kids. and some of them dont even complain

    Answer by ILovemyson1020 at 6:56 PM on Oct. 23, 2009

  • Because when we do complain we are labled bad moms... There have been "complaint" posts on here even where mom after mom tells the woman complaining to give up her kids or go to therapy. I have no problem complaining or venting... I'm rather good at it! lol! But not usually in front of other moms - simply because I don't want to deal with the issues and nasty comments that come from moms!

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 7:43 PM on Oct. 23, 2009

  • Sabrina ^^^ and I are two of the only moms on CM who are 100% open about our trials with motherhood. I'll be the first one to admit that I have had one HELL of a time being a mom at 21. I've dealt with thoughts of suicide, PPD, anxiety, financial stress, and health problems, and my daughter is only 10 months old. I love my daughter, I truly do, but I haven't been in the best mental health state since she was born. You kind of have to learn to pick and choose your battles. Learn when to complain and when to keep your mouth shut. I bitch and whine and moan a lot in my journal here. The Answers section isn't always the best for admitting that you're not Miss Perfect Supermom.

    Answer by caitxrawks at 8:45 PM on Oct. 23, 2009

  • family in the vanwho is going to listen?


    Answer by sunflower39346 at 10:25 PM on Oct. 23, 2009