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How to tell someone you are changing where your kids will go if something happens...

My husband and I had a will made, created a trust, and took out life insurance when our daughter was born. We chose my husband's step sister as the person to receive custody of our daughter and to receive part of the life insurance money if something were to happen to both my husband and me.

At the time, his step-sister was the best choice - married with a job and she'd be a wonderful mother. Her husband on the other hand decided after they got married he never wants children and shows no interest in our daughter.

Now my husband's younger sister, who was just starting college at the time of our daugher's birth, is married and about to start a family. We'd like to swith this responsibility on to her.

How can we tell the step-sister? She gets offended very easily and considers herself #2 mommy. Should we tell the truth about husband?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 7:01 PM on Oct. 23, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (5)
  • Yes. You need to be honest with her because you don't want the younger sister to have to deal with all the trouble if something were to happen. I think it is a perfectly reasonable change.

    Answer by Frogbaby83 at 7:04 PM on Oct. 23, 2009

  • I agree with what Frogbaby83 said.

    Answer by Pnukey at 7:16 PM on Oct. 23, 2009

  • knowing what you know, yes be honest. this is your child that would be given to someone else. its hard to pick someone to parent your kids should something happen. Remember in Raising Helen when the older sister found out the kids were going to the younger sister? The mom's explanation was that if you cant raise your kids, you want someone like you to raise your kids someone to give them a taste of the parents they didnt get to know. Now in this case, the similarity is mostly the sheer fact of wanting or not wanting kids.

    You dont want your kids to be with someone that wont want them. Be honest, its best in the long run.

    Answer by m4m4 at 7:24 PM on Oct. 23, 2009

  • We are in the same boat. We originally said that our kids would go to my older sister, but since then our son has gotten older and we realize her husband does not like our oldest all. There is nothing wrong with our child, my BIL is just a controlling jerk who thinks sports and aggressive behavior is best.
    We have now decided we want him to go to dh's parents because we want all of our kids to grow up in a home where they are loved best of all.
    So now how do we tell? hmmm... we have been mulling it over for the past few weeks. I guess we just have to grow a pair and do it. man that is going to be an awkward conversation. But we have to think about what is best for our kids, even if it hurts some feelings.

    Answer by Nathskitten at 7:48 PM on Oct. 23, 2009

  • I too had planned to reference Raising Helen, but m4m4 took the words right out of my mouth. (Cute movie though, eh?) Perhaps you could get both women together, discuss things out, and specify in your will that although the kids will be living with X person, they will also have visitation with their wonderful Aunt X who they love dearly, and would probably find much comfort in, in the event of your untimely demise. I assume these are not the type of people who would argue over the kids and "who loves who best!"... and it would be an "official" way of saying that you value her relationship in your child's life and want her to play a big part... so it would be ultra apparent that the change is not due to HER, but her husband.

    Answer by ErinHill226 at 10:58 PM on Oct. 23, 2009

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