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Time to get a divorce?

How do you know when its time to get a divorce? When is enough is enough? When do I just stop trying and give up?

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KaylaNicole143

Asked by KaylaNicole143 at 9:59 PM on Oct. 23, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (11)
  • Whats going on? Is there any kind of abuse?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:01 PM on Oct. 23, 2009

  • IF hes beating you, if he cheats on you, if he just does not have any respect for you.....then its time
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:06 PM on Oct. 23, 2009

  • I am basically get emotionally and physically destoyed by him. Just afraid what I am going to do with my daughter. I wanted to be able to give my daughter a real family. Lyla is 4 months old and our first daughter passed away at 14 months old August 14 2008. I keep blaming that he is still greiving from her but I am the one crying myself to sleep every damn night and he dont care. I started a new job today didnt even ask how it went. I Love him but I am destroying myself. I have lost 40 lbs in 4 months i can barely sleep, I cant eat, I am now suffering from severe IBS since we havent been a "happy family". Just afraid I will never be able to meet someone to treat me good.
    KaylaNicole143

    Answer by KaylaNicole143 at 10:14 PM on Oct. 23, 2009

  • Leave and consider divorce when abuse is the case. Get good counseling first before starting the divorce proceedings. Otherwise, when you feel there is no hope, double the effort to get counselling and help for yourself as an individual in a stressful situation before giving up. If was hopeless in my marriage and moved out of the bedroom. Once I got intensive counselling, took classes about my depression and anxiety and got some tools to help me be effective in communication and self care, I could think clearly and act responsibly. I am glad I was persistent in my quest for a happy healthy relationship. We are far from finished working on it, but now, we are working together and that makes all the difference. Make Sure you exhaust all of your resources before you move on.


    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:17 PM on Oct. 23, 2009

  • Okay, once it's gets physical then it's time to leave. Otherwise, if you feel even an inkling of hope then sometimes it can be made right even in the worse of circumstance. I'm so sorry he's treating you this way. I myself and my husband have been to the brink, treating each other badly. I was miserable, fighting, crying, hating him and my life. My daughter was why I stayed at first and then as he got help for his depression and I realized my own mess... it got better and now we're close again. It isn't easy. Here is my advice. If he is hitting or otherwise physical with you, get out NOW. If not, and you want to keep trying, talk to him. Get counseling. You may even try a temporary separation. DH and I sort of did this. We were living together, but took time away from being "married" and focused on ourselves and being "parents". It sounds like he has some real issues resulting from teh loss of your daughter (assuming things..
    ErinHill226

    Answer by ErinHill226 at 10:22 PM on Oct. 23, 2009

  • My husband refuses to go to couseling, He refuses to admit his wrong. I think hes come to be very defensive due to me believing hes become an alcholic. He tells me he just doesnt care anymore. He doesnt even care that I have faded away to nothing. All i feel is that i want to be cared about. I want to feel loved. I dont think he cheats. He home right after work just doesnt talk to me and if he does we are fighting. he just goes to sleep at 8pm to he doesnt even have to deal with us. He a wonderful father, thats what keeps me with him but is that enough?
    KaylaNicole143

    Answer by KaylaNicole143 at 10:23 PM on Oct. 23, 2009

  • as far as the physical abuse he has before. I am afraid of him. I am afriad that one day when i say the wrong thing or push his buttons enough hes just going to attack me and one day I am going to wake up in an alley somewhere or in the hospital. I just dont know him anymore or what he is capable of.
    KaylaNicole143

    Answer by KaylaNicole143 at 10:26 PM on Oct. 23, 2009

  • ...were good before that.) He most definitely needs some intensive counseling, as well as you. I know this is hard and honey don't this wrong because maybe he is just a grade A asshole...but when I more closely examined my own marital problems the more I realized that I wasn't there for him the way HE needed me to be. He didn't recognize that I was trying because I was doing what I would want to feel loved instead of what he needed from me. He was severely depressed and I kept "playing happy" to avoid having to deal with it. If you love him... and you think that he still loves you, then I urge you to get couseling and work on YOU first and then once you can change the way you respond to his awfulness, he will follow suite. If you are being emotionally abused, you may want to stay with family until he gets his issues sorted out. I'm a believer that there is always hope...but only if you BOTH want there to be....
    ErinHill226

    Answer by ErinHill226 at 10:26 PM on Oct. 23, 2009

  • ...last tid bit... I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you have had to deal with as a couple and as parents. But, on a hopefully happier note... congrats on your new (well four months...) baby! (Side bar: if and when you do decide that enough is enough, if he won't get help...please know that living with a happy mommy who loves her and wants the best for her is sooo much better than being with two parents who are at constant war. Divorce can affect kids, yes, but knowing that going in and dealing with the issues before they arise will help her cope. Just don't speak ill of him to her, or vice versa, and let her know her whole life that mommy ANd daddy love her very much...and she will be okay, whether or not she is with her "original" family. Love is the most important thing. Everything else can be overcome). God bless you and pm me if you need an ear. I ramble as you can see... but I understand some of your pain!
    ErinHill226

    Answer by ErinHill226 at 10:31 PM on Oct. 23, 2009

  • i know what you mean.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 10:32 PM on Oct. 23, 2009

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