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I have no where else to post this but please I really need advise

My Hubby and I, about a month ago, have allowed my best friend move in with us because he had no where else to go. We told him not to worry about rent because he is working only part time at a company two hours from home. We did however encouraged him to pay for food and electric as much as possible. With that said he has not put money towards electric and has spent maybe sixty bucks in food. This is fine but, the other day he went to make a ham sandwhich for his lunch for work and it has already been eaten. My Hubby and I do not eat lunches at work and I do not like ham. So with that also being said he slams my fridge! Then this morning my roomie over slept and asked my Hubby why he didn't wake him up. Then my Hubby asks him if he is mad and my roomie said he was just dissapointed in my Hubby for not waking him up. I just feel this attitude is totally unexceptable especially what we are providing him with. Advise?

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GodMamma_Lisa3

Asked by GodMamma_Lisa3 at 2:17 AM on Oct. 24, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • i would kick him out personally.its noone's responsibilty but his own to wake up. if he isnt contributing then by all means tell him he has 30 days to leave. i would.
    naturepeace

    Answer by naturepeace at 2:21 AM on Oct. 24, 2009

  • Well first off, who ate his sandwich. If it was one of you, then suggest apologizing for that. Cuz that is pretty rude IMO. Also, why did he over sleep? Did his alarm not go off? If so was it because of power failure or ya'lls fault? Another thing, if ya'll were awake and you new he had to be somewhere like work, how come one of you just wake him up? Its kinda strange to ask him to pay for his food and electric, but get defensive when you eat his food and not wake him up for I'm guessing work....You do want him to pay for these things, so it would be just common courtesy to wake him up. It is also beneficial for ya'll to do so. I suggest you guys apologize to each other and move on.

    soonmommyof3

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 2:24 AM on Oct. 24, 2009

  • Also you told him that he didn't have to pay rent, so why would you bring up what ya'll are DOING for him? It's almost like your trying to use that as leverage or something.

    soonmommyof3

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 2:27 AM on Oct. 24, 2009

  • i agree. sit down with your friend and let him know that either he starts buying groceries and puts down some money for the bills in ADVANCE or he needs to find another free housing if he can and that ASAP. and with that said he has 2 options pay or get out.. win win situation isnt it?
    glossyblack

    Answer by glossyblack at 2:27 AM on Oct. 24, 2009

  • Wow.... he should be grateful that you guys are doing what you're doing considering you're just friends not family. Living with a roommate can ruin the relationship with that person. Try to work things out, otherwise suggest that he go elsewhere.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:28 AM on Oct. 24, 2009

  • i agree with the first poster. It's no one's responsibility but his own to wake up on time. If you DH would've woken him up to find out your roomie actually didn't have work would he be upset then? it sounds like he would be.
    And you already said that neither of you ate his sandwich ...

    I don't know if i'd go as far as to kick him out just yet. ...but it does sound like you all need to sit down and discuss somethings. Maybe make the rules a little more defined.
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 2:30 AM on Oct. 24, 2009

  • well i agree with the first lady answering.. i dont know about that second answer. if you loose your home and a friend is willing to take you in but expects you to take care of your own expenses such as food and electricity then i think that is very reasonable especially if he has a job. and you are not his mommy so you dont have to wake him up unless you promised him that.
    glossyblack

    Answer by glossyblack at 2:31 AM on Oct. 24, 2009

  • I'd tell him to buy an alarm clock, put his name on his own food and if he wasn't happy then to get out and mooch off someone else.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:23 AM on Oct. 24, 2009

  • I think you need to tell him that you understand that he's disappointed, but that you think, for everyone's sake, you should establish some boundaries and ground rules, rather than assumptions, so that nobody gets disappointed, and so you can all remain friends.

    Then, I would lay down some rules like 1 - if you buy something specifically for yourself, you need to label it. If it's labeled, then it won't be taken without asking. 2 - he will contribute __ amount for food and etc. (Or, you will set aside a cabinet for him and he will buy his own food.) 3 - None of you are the parent of any of the others. As adults, you all are expected to have an alarm clock or whatever to wake up on time, get where they need to be, etc. You are NOT responsible for ensuring that each other get up, etc. You can do it, if you notice it, and as a favor, but it's just that - a FAVOR, not a requirement.

    cont
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 5:31 AM on Oct. 24, 2009

  • cont

    4 - Make a list of who will be responsible for what - like taking turns doing dishes, cleaning bathrooms or other common areas, because otherwise, over time, you're going to resent cleaning up after him. You can do this either where you and your dh and your friend are all on the list separately, or where your on the list where he's on it and you and your dh are on it together (but doing 2/3 of the stuff), and you and your dh divvy up your share privately however you want.

    Also, I would add a 5 - How long he will be living there - he will be out by __ day. Or, if you don't know how long that will be, that every 2 months (or whatever), you will all 3 sit down to review the living arrangements, amounts being paid, chore charts, etc, and to see if you are all still happy with him there - and if not, then he will have ___ amount of time to move then.

    Put all of it in writing and all 3 sign it.
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 5:35 AM on Oct. 24, 2009

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