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Ex-boyfriend/s: Do you still keep in touch with them?

I had a boyfriend back in college, not only were we lovers but were great friends. Somewhere along the line, things got messed up and we broke up. I'm now happily married but I still miss him. Is this wrong? I'm planning to communicate with him just like friends do. He's already married. I miss our friendship and I still love him but I love my DH more. Would I tell my DH about this?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:04 AM on Oct. 24, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • If you're going to communicate with him you should probably tell your DH, you wouldn't want him to find out and then jump to conclusions or think that you are hiding things from him! See what he has to say! But GL. I have remained friends with a few exes over the years, but my SO knows them and knows I talk to them occasionally

    Answer by Tashwitz at 9:06 AM on Oct. 24, 2009

  • one of my ex bfs is married to one of my closes cousin so yea i keep in contact with him. hubby doesnt mind because he is married to my cousin. so hopefully your hubby will understand. just talk to him.

    Answer by mommaburns at 9:13 AM on Oct. 24, 2009

  • Not a good idea. NOT>>>>>

    Answer by bella69147 at 9:14 AM on Oct. 24, 2009

  • OP: I'd probably tell him that. I won't tell him that I still care for the guy, he won't understand that. Thanks for the advice, Tashwitz

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:16 AM on Oct. 24, 2009

  • This is not a good idea and it is a decision that you might want to rethink. There are potentials for all kinds of problems here. Think how you would feel if you were the wife of the other guy and some chick contacted your husband. I think you would be much better served to let this man be.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:31 AM on Oct. 24, 2009

  • I know what you mean. I only have 1 ex that I have any remote desire to talk to, all the others were complete jerk offs and the other 1 I must have little contact with is the sperm donor to my 1st child. I would just let DH know that this guy was a good friend and you would like to catch up and maybe rekindle your old friendship, but nothing more (so he doesn't get jealous or insecure).

    Answer by tnm786 at 9:33 AM on Oct. 24, 2009

  • I don't keep in touch with any old boyfriends. There is no place in my life for them. To me, it sounds like you are asking for trouble since you said yourself that you still have feelings for this guy. I would certainly agree with not keeping it a secret from your husband (the communications I mean) and would maybe encourage you to go a step further and let your husband read any emails that go back and forth - or at least have a policy that if he wants to read them her can. Then you'll ensure that any communication is appropriate.

    Also, imagine this: One of your husband's ex girlfriends contacts him, and she clearly still has feeling for him. Would this bother you? This is what you are about to put this guy's wife through.

    It'd say just leave it alone.

    Answer by beckcorc at 9:35 AM on Oct. 24, 2009

  • Yep, I am in touch with most of my ex's. We are friends... nothing more. I CARE about them, but I do not LOVE them. BIG difference. My DH is in touch with a few of his ex's as well. I do not have a problem with it.

    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 9:55 AM on Oct. 24, 2009

  • OP: I have no intention of having an intimate relation with my ex-bf. Besides, we were good friends and I just want to continue what we had started. We're both married. As long as we keep our relationship, platonic. I see nothing wrong with it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:11 AM on Oct. 24, 2009

  • If you still have feelings for him, I'd give it some more thought before following through. I am still friends with a couple of my exes, but there are no lingering feelings. I care about them the same way I care about my best friend from high school or my friend that is my son's best friend's mom: I care, but I don't love them. Lingering feelings can make the best of intentions go by the wayside. IF you do go through with it, definitely tell your husband, and allow him to read or at least have the option to read any communications between you and the ex. Not only will that reassure him, but it will prevent you from doing or saying something that is or could be construed as inappropriate.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 11:07 AM on Oct. 24, 2009

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