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Why should we not mention the name of an agency with unethical practices?

I've noticed that sometimes posters here are hesitant to state the name of an agency that has unethical practices, or if they've had a bad experience. I do not criticize that choice, but I'm curious as to why. I know there are people who visit this forum who are hoping to adopt. It seems like this would be an opportunity to let them know some important information about agencies or facilitators. I think the vast majority of PAPs want to work with an agency (etc.) that will treat the emoms and themselves fairly.

 
Iamgr8teful

Asked by Iamgr8teful at 1:30 PM on Oct. 24, 2009 in Adoption

Level 25 (23,279 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (22)
  • "I also assumed that some b-mom's on here don't trust adoptive moms not to think "Oh boy where do I sign up for the unethical agency and get a child sooner."

    You have hit on part of the problem. Some of the unethical agencies ARE able to get babies to afamilies sooner. BUT, it is because they use such unethical and coercive tactics. They do all they can to insure an expectant mom does not back out of an adoption plan, and they aggressively search for pregnant women who MIGHT relinquish.

    I just don't think the majority of aparents want to get babies that badly though. Certainly, a small minority of aparents are so desperate that they will overlook nearly ANYTHING. However, I think most aparents care about ethical adoptions. Unfortunately, many expectant moms and aparents do not understand what is ethical and what is not. They go with the flow...i.e. our current system of adoption.
    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 1:03 AM on Oct. 25, 2009

  • because it's called "Slander" and the person can be sued in court for that
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 1:49 PM on Oct. 24, 2009

  • I always assumed it was because they did not want to "advertise" for the unethical agency. I also assumed that some b-mom's on here don't trust adoptive moms not to think "Oh boy where do I sign up for the unethical agency and get a child sooner." I find that insulting because I have yet to meet a adoptive mom who wanted a child whose b-mom had been lied to or pressured by an agency.
    Luuckymommy

    Answer by Luuckymommy at 2:01 PM on Oct. 24, 2009

  • maybe you shouldn't assume things. You're choosing to be insulted without even knowing the real reasoning behind why the names aren't mentioned. Why do you have to be down on the bmoms like that & decided you know that is the reason when nobody said that.?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:26 PM on Oct. 24, 2009

  • Luuckymommy. You are absolutely correct on both counts. While I know several paps that wouldn't go to those agencies, I know as many that don't even think that spending millions on "agressive birthmother advertising", promising her open adoption, and telling her that paps are "perfect families" is unethical. I've also met some that have no qualms promising open adoption when they have absolutley no intention of openness, and I've met several that have called the woman they were matched with all kinds of horrific names when she decides to parent. I understand how that could be insulting for someone like you who has ethics, but I for one will never advertise an unethical agency.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 4:44 PM on Oct. 24, 2009

  • If you say something that is true, it is NOT slander. But, some moms fear the agencies because they are still getting updates through them and worry about retaliation. Many of the largest agencies are very strong, powerful and intimidating. Some sites forbid using the names of agencies, but as far as I know, Cafemom does not. I think we SHOULD name the worst ones..Gladney, Bethany and ALN are the worst IMHO. ALN is actually a facilitator, not an agency.
    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 5:17 PM on Oct. 24, 2009

  • OP, Southernroots is correct, it is NOT slander if one tells the truth of their 'dealings' with the agency. Slander is when false , damaging, and un-truths or mis-leading truths are told. At best it is very hard to prove in court, and not many agencies, wish to bring on "bad publicity". At least in my state it is this way. I can only speak for myself, about my dealings with Birth Hope Adoption Agency, I can only pray with all that I am...That no one will ever use this agency, or its sister agencies(Catholic Charities...of which one only has to GOOGLE) to find their affiliates. If they do so, I most certainly would request, references from past clients( First Moms), and only ones that were 5 yrs or more into their adoptions, JMHO, Blessings, C.J.
    ceejay1

    Answer by ceejay1 at 6:04 PM on Oct. 24, 2009

  • Thanks for the insight, ladies. I agree that you can only be sued for slander if what you say isn't true. Your first amendment rights allow you to say something that is true. I'm glad SR mentioned the ones she thought were the worst. I appreciate you helping me to understand the reason. Thx!
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 7:09 PM on Oct. 24, 2009

  • I personally have no actual contact with Bethany but I have heard rumors and other people talk about how horrid they are. I do get a little iffy on how much and how hard they advertise. Makes me suspicious. I also didn't like them because of their views on who would make a good parents vs. who wold not. Under their policies my husband and I were never qualified to go through them.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:54 PM on Oct. 24, 2009

  • Just to be clear I did not mean my first response to be down on anyone. I mention the b-mom group only because I find them to be the ones with the most information about the subject (onethentwins had a journal post about this topic for example) and are the most vocal about it. They also generally have reasons to be suspicious of people at agencies and adoptive mom's as well. I should have clarified that what I find insulting is to be lumped together with a-mom's who do have that attitude of entitlement. I worked very very hard to make sure that my children truly needed a family and I had done everything I could to help their bio family first.

    Luuckymommy

    Answer by Luuckymommy at 10:03 PM on Oct. 24, 2009