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MIL wont give up i dont know what to do im about ready to go off on her...

she keeps asking to borrow money we dont have..we are at the point where we cant afford to buy baby wipes or diapers and she expects up to give her money for gas now cause she bounced a check, which we had NOTHING to do with..she calls several times a day to my house calls my husband at work leaves notes on both of our cars in the mail box and on our front door.. she doesnt understand my husbands last check was for only one week and next check has to go to 2 months rent phone bill food stuff for the house (cleaning stuff ect) plus got pay some back to my mom (he been workin lots overtime )...and now my mom said that half of what we owe is fine cause we need a bed...i know if mil find out we are buying a cheap bed in 2 weeks she will flip out...im tired of her harassing us and tryin to control our money...she drives by several times a day to see if we are home and drives by my husbands job to see if he is there. any advice?

 
gothmama91

Asked by gothmama91 at 4:54 PM on Oct. 24, 2009 in Relationships

Level 16 (3,057 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • I think your husband has to tell her flat out that you are strapped for money and cannot afford to bail her out of financial problems. He also needs to tell her that her stalking and harrassing behavior MUST stop-- or else he will call the police and get a restraining order. Start documenting all calls, contact and save all her notes and if the behavior does not stop contact the police. I hope she will back off and stop the behavior. Good luck!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 7:58 PM on Oct. 24, 2009

  • Yes, just keep telling her "NO". She'll find money elsewhere. She's a bully and irresponsible. She can panhandle from someone else or can go to charity agencies. Just tell her "no" and don't give her a reason. She's not entitled to a reason why, she just has to accept no as the answer. I'd ask her who would she ask if you and dh were not there? Then I'd tell her to go ask them.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:04 PM on Oct. 24, 2009

  • tell her NO! And stand firm when you say it.... Good luck!
    mominbolt

    Answer by mominbolt at 5:16 PM on Oct. 24, 2009

  • Don't answer the phone. Don't respond to her notes. If you have to see her and she asks for money, tell her you don't have a penny extra. Don't allow her to make you feel responsible for helping her. You are not!!!!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 5:40 PM on Oct. 24, 2009

  • keep telling her no. it's none of her business how you spend the money you guys make. it's not your responsibility to cover her expenses, and that's just something she'll have to deal with. worst case, you could keep track of everything she's doing and get a restraining order to drive the point home that you won't be bullied into giving her anything.
    nemiller

    Answer by nemiller at 5:51 PM on Oct. 24, 2009

  • Don't talk to her at all. How you spend your money is none of her business. You and your husband don't need to support her. She bounced a check, her problem. Don't respond to her, don't read her notes, nothing. Ignore her if this is how she is goin to be.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 6:01 PM on Oct. 24, 2009

  • Tell her that you are trying to support your family and you are barely getting by yourself.As for her flipping out about you buying a bed tell her you and your husband work hard to pay for the things you need and you need a new bed.It shouldn't concern her anyway.Good Luck!
    rita-jo

    Answer by rita-jo at 7:06 PM on Oct. 24, 2009

  • Write on a notecard something like "We can't give you any money at this time. Sorry" and repeat it every single time you can. Maybe she;'ll get tired of hearing it. If she says "Im at my wits end" you repeat it. if she says "please talk to me!" you repeat it.
    TXdanielly

    Answer by TXdanielly at 7:27 PM on Oct. 24, 2009

  • if it were me id go off on her.sometimes thats the only way people learn.
    naturepeace

    Answer by naturepeace at 9:26 PM on Oct. 24, 2009

  • I totally feel for you!!! I was in your same situation awhile back,and it was HELL! My bf and I have been together almost 6 years and his mother was AWFUL about wanting to control his every move,and constantly wanting to "borrow" money that she NEVER paid back.She even went as far as constantly saying our son wasnt my bf's baby and done anything she could to try and break us up because she swore up and down that I was the reason my bf wouldnt give her anymore money-it totaled over $2500 within a year that she "borrowed" finally things got so bad and she was so disrespectful to me and our son,so we ended up moving 300 miles away and my bf hasnt had anything to do with her in over a year-his choice! He was the 1st one to say how much better off we are now! Good Luck! Justs stand your ground-dont let her walk all over you,you have your own life and own bills,its not your fault that she can't manage her money!
    dakotasmommy06

    Answer by dakotasmommy06 at 9:58 PM on Oct. 24, 2009

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