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Need answers about custody

I have some specific questions about separating with my kids' father and was just wondering if their might be some mom out there in a similar situation. If so please advise. Ok so we are obviousely not getting along at all not a good environment. But he pays all of the bills I do not work I stay at home with my 3 year old and my 7 month old. I want him to leave but I have nothing and I know that I may be able to get food assistance and some help from the state but does it take long to get it?? I live in PA . Also he is threatening to try to get custody bringing up some of my past where I had some problems with prescription muscle relaxers. I got in some trouble because of this problem , however I am no longer taking meds and I have been in therapy and go to groups regularly. To make a long story short I am on track. I am not an unfit mother or anything like that no one knew that I had a problem until that incident. help!!!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:37 PM on Oct. 25, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • You can apply asap and it shouldn't take but a few weeks to get it. Meanwhile if he's a responsible dad he will make sure all the bills are paid and give you child support to live on while you are applying for assistance. You cannot get both child support from him and from the state though. I believe the FS application has to be approved or denied within 30 days but you can ask for emergency stamps if he leaves you with no food.

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:48 PM on Oct. 25, 2009

  • He lives with us now but he does nothing with the kids now , he is not even the slightest bit involved in what it takes to raise kids except money. He doesnt help with baths, story time, playing sometimes he doesn't even talk to uor 3 year old will a judge take all of this into consideration or will they pick the parent who has a job and can provide for the kids?? I am so afraid that I will lose them

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:56 PM on Oct. 25, 2009

  • This is how it usually works. When one of you files for divorce there is an order for him to pay the bills and money to you until the divorce is final. It would be best if you filed first and asked for custody. Since he is being a jerk and making threats I would do it as soon as possible.

    Since the baby is young and you have been the primary care provider he is not going to get sole custody. Why would he let someone he thinks has problems with drugs take care of the children? That's all your lawyer would have to say.

    You need to apply for food stamps and medicaid right away. You probably won't get any money unless PA is a very generous state.

    Answer by Gailll at 2:08 PM on Oct. 25, 2009

  • Be very careful this is what you want. Most likely you will have shared custody and while you are dreaming of a man who will treat you like gold please be aware he will meet a new woman in the future and she will be in your kids life. Are you ready? Is this something you can tolerate?

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:34 PM on Oct. 25, 2009

  • also get a job so u look stable. u can always go to a local church and ask for help. there r many people out there that can help u beside the state. and dont let ur past scare u as long as it is the past and no the present. good luck and stay strong.

    also think about y u are getting a divorce ask ur self if u can work this out b4 getting a divorce. some states make u sek counseling b4 they grant a divorce. u should think about this 4 ur kids. I can tell u no relationship is perfect nor ever will b. maybe u just need to let him know he needs to help with the kids to give u a chance to relax. or perhaps u need a part time job a way from the kids. what ever u decide good luck. life is not the same after a divorce. u still have to deal with the ex since u have kids!

    Answer by butterflymom8 at 3:25 PM on Oct. 25, 2009

  • He may get joint custody. Be prepared. If he consents to taking parenting classes, he can learn to be a competent parent.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:29 PM on Oct. 25, 2009

  • I am sorry I guess I was not clear about our status we are NOT married. been together for 6 years though. Does this change anything??

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:19 PM on Oct. 25, 2009

  • Also this is not what I want at all but he claims that he can not trust me anymore because I hid a problem with my medication and he just cant get past this. The last thing that I want is to separate for my kids especially but also for. But because of this he believes that I can be deceitful all of the time and that is just not true. He is immature . I have let him know that I do want to stay together but I will not beg someone to be with me. I told him that I wanted to work on our relationship in every aspect, I am in therapy and go to counseling every week , I take damn good care of my kids, they are smart because of me and my dedication to them. I love them with all of my heart and being and I would just lose it if something he dredged up from the past had any bearing on custody issues. Not to mention he says that any smart man knows how not to have to pay child support..

    Answer by logansmom911 at 4:27 PM on Oct. 25, 2009

  • If your not married then you get custody.. Im not in the same state as you but I went through the same thing. Go and get on assistance.. such as food stamps.. sign up for housing.. which may take some time to get on.. let them know you have no where to go and they may have something for you sooner. When you sign up with the state to get on food stamps they will set up with getting child support. Oh and with the custody issue he does have the right to go to court and fight it. But mine was to stupid to get the day right. GOOD LUCK with everything.. add me if you wish.

    Answer by traveldreamer at 4:36 PM on Oct. 25, 2009

  • Thank you everyone for your input! I really appreciate it. I am just so hurt I am sure that you all can understand. Please if any else has any comments please feel free to answer

    Answer by logansmom911 at 4:41 PM on Oct. 25, 2009

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