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Should I go to my ex best friend's (of 14 years) wedding?

She was my best friend for 14 years. We started drifting a little, I got pregnant, & long story short, my firstborn baby was given up for adoption. She came to the hospital the night before my baby was born but she had a trip planned to another state to visit a friend that she wasn't even that crazy about. It has been 2 1/2 years and it has hurt me deeply that she never got to meet my firstborn child. When I was grieving, she said to move on. I will give her the benefit of the doubt on that comment, although that broke me, too. I haven't spoken to her much since she said that to me.

Since I don't check my mail very often, I happened to get it yesterday and saw her wedding invitation. She also happened to call yesterday to see if I was coming (since I didn't respond).

I should have made her wedding dress. I should have stood up with her on her big day.

Do I go or not? I think it might hurt too much.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:17 PM on Oct. 25, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • I'm sorry but you are being unreasonable. Did you ever think about anyone but yourself? Why would she want to meet a baby she'd never get to have in her life? Did you ever think that it might have been painful for her to see that beautiful little baby then know she'd not get to be its godmother? Maybe shes over there thinking "I should've been that babies godmother. I should have made its first gown to wear home from the hospital" I mean really? How rude of you! She loves you and sees you going through a difficult time and she probably didn't agree with the adoption but didn't want to hurt you and say so. It was her choice not to meet that child. You should move on too. Its not like your child died you gave it away. You didn't have to. So stop blaming her for your guilt and be a decent person and go to the wedding.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:32 PM on Oct. 25, 2009

  • I don't think your friendship is a "match".
    She is probably just sending invites by going through her address book.

    It's time to move on to someone who really wants you for a friend.

    Politely decline.

    Answer by 07upsydaisy at 9:37 PM on Oct. 25, 2009

  • I think I would I don't think she said something stupid a long time ago and she'll never need to go threw that and I'm sorry I wish I could go back in time and make ur friend understand u don't say something like that to some one b/c giving up a baby is one of the hardies things in the world

    I think u truly want to go don't let something what happen a long time ago not let u go b/c this should only happen once and u know u don't want to miss that

    Answer by enaNianza at 9:37 PM on Oct. 25, 2009

  • I'm astounded that other moms are answering to go. It's been two and a half years~

    That isn't a friend.

    She's just fishing for a gift. (She is selfish.)

    Answer by 07upsydaisy at 9:40 PM on Oct. 25, 2009

  • I'm the OP. She never said anything about wanting to have the baby in her life. In fact, when I called to tell her I was pregnant, I said, "You're going to be a godmother!" She didn't explore options with me about the pregnancy, either. She just went with my decision. So her being too sad to see the baby is probably not it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:51 PM on Oct. 25, 2009

  • Well it all depends on if you WANT to be friends with her. Maybe she did care that you were going through a hard time back then and maybe she didn't. Regardless, sometimes people change and maybe she see's this as a chance to reconcile it. I seriously doubt she just invited you just because you were in her address book. If you're too heart broken then don't go, but I will say that you will always wonder what could've happened.....

    Answer by Deathlilly at 10:04 PM on Oct. 25, 2009

  • I think it might hurt too much.    < ---------- there is your answer

    Wedding are for happy occasion, don't go there with a cloud hanging over your head.  It's not about you on that day it's about her.


    Answer by Anonymous at 10:08 PM on Oct. 25, 2009

  • It's her big day. It's up to you if you want to share that with her. She came to the hospital to see you and to make sure you were ok. Was she supposed to change her plans to stay to see a child you chose to give up? (not bashing. I'm all for adoptions) She honored your decision and told you to move on. I did the same thing when my dd gave up her child. It's being practical. If it sounds harsh we don't mean it to be. It's hard for us to see loved ones suffer even for a good cause so sometimes we seem cold when addressing an issue that might hurt them more. I don't see where she did anything horrible enough to not attend her wedding but it's up to you and what you can endure. However, not going will keep the estrangement going even longer. Maybe it's time to let the past go and deal with Now.

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:33 PM on Oct. 25, 2009

  • The other person above is right. SHe had the plans before hand , she did come by and then had to leave. Most people I know if they go though the adoption they want to not have the whole world there its just easier for it that way. ALso she is right you need ot move on yes it does hurt but in the long run it was your choice and you need to live with it. People say hurtful things all the time its up to us to move pass it. Now about her calling you to see she may just want to rebueild a frienbd ship or have some one who ment alot to her there. I invited friends from my past to my wedding and I am glad they were there did we become best friends again? no but we do talk a few times a year. and that is what is right for both of us right now!

    Answer by moma22angels at 11:19 PM on Oct. 25, 2009

  • I think that at this point right now there are too many hard/sad feelings on your end to be able to attend her wedding. I think she may have sent the wedding invite because she misses having you as her friend and this was an easy way to try and invite you back into her life. I would politely decline her wedding invitation but make a lunch date or get together for just the two of you to get back in touch and talk about both of your feelings on the past happenings. It sounds like you both have built up feelings that need to be talked about and a wedding is not the place to have any feelings like this. Good Luck and I hope you get the answer you want.

    Answer by smr123 at 11:56 PM on Oct. 25, 2009

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