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Is my brother- in- law really giving my son pot?

My husbands 32 yr old younger brother is one of those "cool" uncles that talks about hooking up with "babes" and wears hoop earrings with a cutoff t-shirt showing his tattoos. My 15 yr old adores him, has since he was little. I've had rebellion problems with my son lately where he wouldnt come home by curfew, got an F on his report card, teachers conference said he was falling asleep in class. I think its due to him hanging out at his uncles every weekend. Mind you, his uncle smokes pot, has since he was a teen and even has a "legalize marijuana" bumper sticker. My teen already never talks to either of his parents, fights with his sister, now he's been locked up in his room. The only hard core evidence I have is that his eyes were real red when he came back from his uncles. He said he was tired. I've never smoked pot, so I'm not sure. I told his dad my concern, he brushed it off. What do you think?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:46 AM on Oct. 26, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (11)
  • Drug test him then keep him away from the uncle. I know that it will be difficult to cut the uncle from his life but maybe you can have him visit your house instead of your son going to his. You can get an at home drug test at most any pharmacy. I may sound like a hard ass but when it comes to your children and drugs. Its better to be safe than sorry.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:54 AM on Oct. 26, 2009

  • well 1st off y is ur son hangin'out w/some that much older than him?! 2nd pot has nothing 2 do w/it! i've smoke sence i was 13! i'm smart and did just fine in school!!! don't freak about the pot it's natural and SHOULD b legal!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:01 AM on Oct. 26, 2009

  • when he comes home, smell his dominant hand forefinger and thumb. potsmokers will have the residual smell on their hands even if they handwashed. another thing, is get up in his face and smell the air coming out of his nose, breathmints and teethbrushing don't get rid of residual smoke in nasal hairs. you can drug test him at home, but these methods are free and easy. do this while hubby is present. good luck.

    Answer by jewjewbee at 9:18 AM on Oct. 26, 2009

  • Don't worry so much about whether he is smoking pot and focus on his academic failings, one has nothing to do with the other, and even if his uncle didn't provide, he could probably get it from friends at school. Don't put the blame on the uncle ultimately it is your responsibility to see that your son is doing half way decent in school.

    Answer by older at 10:55 AM on Oct. 26, 2009

  • I would be extremely concerned if he was smoking almost always leads to heavier drugs. The fact that he is flunking out of school is all you need to know. I wouldn't use a drug test..yet. I would sit your son down and tell him what you think. See how he responds. He's your child. You know him the best, you will know if he is lying. As for the 32 yr old "uncle" he sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do and isn't the kind of person you want your son to be influenced by. Call the Uncle and ask him to put their relationship on cool for awhile..also tell him what you suspect. You never know if he thinks it's no big deal he may be candid enough to come clean. Having a conversation with his teachers could help as well. Believe me they have seen enough teens on drugs to recognize what they are looking at. Then you and your husband need to sit down and have a really serious chat about what to do next.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:01 PM on Oct. 26, 2009

  • Make him take a test, and make him stay away from the uncle until he gets his grades up and starts flying right.

    Answer by SAMNMAYASMOM at 9:30 PM on Oct. 26, 2009

  • by being overly protective you can actually push him into doing other drugs. My mother's best friend had this happen with her son who is now 19 and addicted to meth. It started out that she found out he was doing pot and flipped her lid. Well then he became more reclusive and keeping more things from her. Eventually he got into worse and worse situations and to this day she is still trying to help him get off the meth. Pushing the issue isn't always the answer. He's a teen, he's going to experiment a little. Firstly you need to keep the lines of communication open, let him know that he can come to you if he has anything he wants to talk about. I would ask the UNCLE if he is supplying your son with pot, and make your views on the subject clear. Work with him on his grades and set the punishments up so that he knows what is expected of him.. that is really all you can do.

    Answer by kristal2146 at 9:53 PM on Oct. 26, 2009

  • Yes i think he is giving your son pot. you need to talk to both your son and your BIL, you need to decide how you feel about about your son smoking and communicate it to both of them. Personaly i don't think it's going to kill him but i do think he should be focused on his studies instead of "hanging" with the adults. Your BIL is an adult and can make his own choices but you son needs to live by your rules.

    Answer by trying2survive at 10:03 PM on Oct. 26, 2009

  • Why is he "hanging out" with his uncle every weekend? I think boundaries need to be set and if they are broken consequences need to happen.
    Have you tried talking to him? I would start there and then move forward.

    Answer by NHGal at 10:07 PM on Oct. 26, 2009

  • cut him off from his uncle, and give him a drug test. I know it sucks to have to do to your child, but sometimes it's the only way to go. I wish my parents had stopped me from doing some of the stupid shit i've done. I promise even if he is mad now, give it time and he will thank you.

    Answer by Mrs.Helms at 11:12 PM on Oct. 26, 2009

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