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When trying to fix your marriage how do you get past the thought that your spouse has been with other women?

we don't live together anymore. He moved out 3 months ago. And would like to come back. I'm not ready for that just yet for a few reasons. But the biggest thing i am stuck on now is when we were at church the other day he layed his arm on the back of my chair and rested his hand on my arm. When i looked at his and all i could think about is i know where thats been. How do i get these thoughts out of my head.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:51 AM on Oct. 26, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • There are a lot of women out here that would like to know the answer to that question to.

    I will say this. If I was in your situation. I would be telling my DH, that if he really wants to mend our marriage. He would be an open book on everything. No more lies, secrets, and I know where you are at all times. I would make him go and get those new cell phones that has GPS on them that you can tell where your DH is at all times.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 7:59 AM on Oct. 26, 2009

  • At least he is out of the house and I am guessing he has come clean that he was cheating?
    I still live w/my cheater husband and although I know for a fact that he cheated he denys it to the ends of the earth.
    Demand total honesty.
    I have no idea if cheating can be worked through.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:15 AM on Oct. 26, 2009

  • I know this is something you don't want to hear but its pretty well mostly on you. Its up to you to get past this to move on from it. I would suggest talking to someone either by yourself or with your husband to help with healing process cause it may take some time.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:19 AM on Oct. 26, 2009

  • Like someone else said, it's on you... there's nothing he can do to make you get past it... you have to forgive and "forget"... I use " because you won't forget, but over time it won't be as fresh a memory, know what I mean?

    Either way, it's one of those you do or you don't situations... if you can't get over it, you can't have a relationship with him and actually be happy. I think you need to sit down and talk to him about it all... let him know how you feel.
    Gremlyn

    Answer by Gremlyn at 8:22 AM on Oct. 26, 2009

  • I'VE NEVER BEEN IN A RELATION SHIP WITH SOME ONE WHO CHEATED ON ME. WELL I TAKE THAT BACK I HAVE BEEN BUT WE ARE NOT TOGETHER.

    BUT THE ONLY THOUGHT THAT CAME TO MY MIND WHEN READING YOUR QUESTION, WAS MAYBE TRY AND LOOK AT IT LIKE A NEW MAN INTO YOUR LIFE. IF YOU MEET SOME ONE NEW AND HE WERE TO PUT YOUR HAND AROUND YOU. WOULD YOU THINK I KNOW WHERE THATS BEEN? BECAUSE THIS "NEW" PERSON HAS BEEN WITH OTHERS IM SURE... IM NOT SURE IF THAT MAKES SENSE WHAT IM TRYING TO SAY. BUT MAYBE IT COULD HELP TO LOOK AT IT THAT WAY.

    GOOD LUCK.
    MOMMA111

    Answer by MOMMA111 at 8:41 AM on Oct. 26, 2009

  • Makes sense. I know its just going to take time. I know its my thing to get over. We just started counseling after him being out 3 months tomorrow is our second visit. I just feel bad that he wants to come back now and i'm having issues with this and some other things and am not ready for him to come back. And i'm also trying to do the whole looking at it like before me he was with others. I think because we are married its so much more demeaning or hurtful or something. Ugh. Thanks girls.
    mom2boys80

    Answer by mom2boys80 at 10:01 AM on Oct. 26, 2009

  • counseling
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:01 AM on Oct. 26, 2009

  • God, time and patience.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:37 AM on Oct. 26, 2009

  • We went to counseling. Only when my husband took full responsibility and stopped blaming me and the kids for his affair could I forgive. He never could do that. He continued to blame me, the kids, work, the other woman and the devil. We divorced soon after.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:46 AM on Oct. 26, 2009

  • We have started counseling. My faith and trust in god has grown over the years. And continues too. Guess just have to take things one day at a time and see where it leads us. Thanks girls.
    mom2boys80

    Answer by mom2boys80 at 12:01 PM on Oct. 26, 2009

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