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What have I done???

About a year ago I took my niece from my dh side to go see her dad after 13 yrs. Her dad and mom did not make it in their marriage so she left him and married again after afew years and the man adopted the girls. Now I am saying to my self what did I do? I feel bad for doing this behind my sil back but my niece kept asking about her dad and for her 13th b/day I took her to go see him it was a very nice and happy reunion even though it was only for awhile it really meant alot to her and I am sure for her dad as well. My fear though is they have been keeping touch without her mom knowing and now my niece told me that her dad is going to try to take them from her mom. I am like what? I did not mean anything like this to happen I feel like I am to blame for reuniting them. He is not in good health he does not work and so but just the thought of him saying this...scares me :(

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:56 PM on Oct. 26, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (19)
  • You should tell her parents. The damage is done, but it's going to be worse if they find out some other way. Might as well step up and take the blame now. JMO!
    LyTe684

    Answer by LyTe684 at 12:59 PM on Oct. 26, 2009

  • That was completely inappropriate. If your nieces mother was keeping her from her father it was for a reason. What if he's not a good man? And if all these years he has had the ability to see her (either asking her mom or filing for custody) and he didn't... what does that say about him? You just really hurt this family. Either the dad is going to file for custody and tear the poor mom's heart to bits, after she did everything in her power to keep her daughter safe, or the dad is lying and he won't file for custody and the daughter will be heartbroken. You had no right to make that decision for the mother. How would you feel if someone did that to you?

    You need to own up to your mistake. Tell the family what you did.
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 1:08 PM on Oct. 26, 2009

  • I do believe your correct about 'what have I done.' This is a huge no/no. I would asked my sisters forgiveness and let her know all the details. This doesn't make you right but it's a start. How does the daughter feel about it? This is the worse age for a teenager to be introduced to a biological father/mother that she's never met. Her mother could've had great reasons to keep him out of her life. He did abandon her one way or another. He had to sign adoption papers before she could be adopted.

    If he isn't working this could be his reason for wanting custody. He wants the mother to pay child support. I hope the can of worms get sealed quickly. Good luck!!
    skrush

    Answer by skrush at 1:10 PM on Oct. 26, 2009

  • I agree. Not to come down hard on you BUT what were you thinking? This is a thirteen yr old girl and furthermore this was NOT your decision to make. You don't know anything about this man but yet you and you alone made the decision that it was appropriate for them to meet. If you were my sil not only would be kept from having contact from my children but you'd be told in no uncertain terms to mind your own business. Now look what has happened? don't you think it's time for the ADULT in you to come clean with your SIL..she has every right to know that she is about to be stabbed in the back AGAIN..way to go you've really blown it...and now it's time to face the music.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:46 PM on Oct. 26, 2009

  • What have you done? You stuck your nose into a situation that had nothing to do with you. How dare you think you could without any hurt or harm introduce these two people? What does it tell you about him that he has "confided" in his daughter that he is now going to sure her mother for custody? If he cared for her at all why after all this time would he want to upset her stability? If it were me..I'd be furious! That said, you have to tell her. She cannot go into this blindly and who knows he could be lying to try and scare her especially if there is an outstanding child support order...he may not want ot be found for the money. When you have custody somehow what you owe seems to disappear. I'd be interested to know how you would feel if someone close to you violated your parenting ability in such a hurtful way? Would you be willing to forgive? You need to go to this mother now and tell her what you have done.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:53 PM on Oct. 26, 2009

  • OK OK LADIES I HONESTLY DID NOT MEAN ANY HARM IT IS JUST THAT EVERYTIME I SAW HER SHE WOULD BE SO UNHAPPY AND WHEN THIS HAPPENED SHE WAS VERY HAPPY AND THANK ME SO MUCH THAT THAT WAS THE BEST B DAY PRESENT EVER. I HONESTLY FEEL BAD I JUST WASNT THINKING STRAIGHT. I KNOW IF I SAY SOMETHING EVERYONE WILL HATE ME AND THEY ALL LOVE ME I NEVER MEANT ANY HARM. WHAT IF I TRY TO TALK TO HER ABOUT THIS AND MAKE SURE SHE DOES NOT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT ANYTHING AFTER ALL THAT WAS OUR AGREEMENT IN THE BEGINING.  THANK YOU LADIES FOR LISTENING BUT I REALLY DID NOT EXPECT THIS KIND OF RESPONSE...BOY WAS I REALLY WRONG...TWICE AT THAT :(

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:29 PM on Oct. 26, 2009

  • You know what, mama? I don't hate you for it. I do believe you were doing something you thought was right. You know the situation better than we do. I feel you should have talked to your SIL first if you were this concerned, but the damage is done.


    You need to own up to your SIL and apologize. But try to stop feeling so guilty. Try to make it better. And understand that it would be very hard for him to get custody of the girls. He signed adoption papers and is in ill health. That's two strikes against him right there. As long as your SIL is a fit parent, she shouldn't have much to worry about. Let's also hope she talks to her daughters about what kind of man their father really is, and why he hasn't been around.

    epoh

    Answer by epoh at 8:35 PM on Oct. 26, 2009

  • You were way out of line. It's up to her MOTHER to decide if the father is a suitable person to let her daughter see. If the new husband adopted the kids, obviously they terminated his rights. Which means he can't take them. Secondly, get ready for the sh*t to hit the fan.
    SAMNMAYASMOM

    Answer by SAMNMAYASMOM at 9:24 PM on Oct. 26, 2009

  • NO! You're going to make it even WORSE if you don't say anything!!! WTH??? Are you TRYING to make it worse? Cuz that's what it seems like!!! TELL THE MOTHER WHAT YOU DID!!! She will find out anyway, and it will be much worse if you are not woman enough to tell her.
    SAMNMAYASMOM

    Answer by SAMNMAYASMOM at 9:28 PM on Oct. 26, 2009

  • What do you mean you are going to talk to her and ask her not to say anything?! You CANNOT make her lie to cover your ass. If I were her mother I would kick you ass. What if she took her daughter away because he was abusive? Or caught molesting her? They don't take away parental rights without a damn good reason!

    If you try to make her lie, just so you can stay liked in that family, you are lower than slime. You can not destroy a family and then skip off into the sunset like your poo don't stink! Seriously, this is sickening. I hope her mom pops you a good one.
    JenW777

    Answer by JenW777 at 9:39 PM on Oct. 26, 2009

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