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how do i reassure my DH i am never going to do anything to hurt him?

my husband was hurt deeply like im talking his ex went all psycho and put child abuse allegations against him, he didn't do it obviously. but now he has a hard time trusting me and its a strain on our marriage, i love him to death but sometimes he just flips out acting like he doesn't want to be with me because hes scared of getting hurt again, and that im too good for him and that im perfect and shouldn't have to put up with his shit. its just soo frustrating sometimes because hes such a good father and husband and i love him so much idk what to do!?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:59 PM on Oct. 26, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (4)
  • It sounds like she really did a number on him... You need to sit him down and tell him very, very slowly, that you are NOT going to do anything like that, that you love and appreciate him, and that he is everything to you and you feel lucky to have him. Then, back up the words with actions. Words tend to not mean much to guys, in general, but actions speak volumes. Tell him as many times a day as you can how much you love him. Leave him little notes that say, "Just reminding you how much you mean to me," or something like that. Make him his favorite foods (guys love food). Make sure you make him feel appreciated (thank him for the things he does, tell him how important he is to you and your family, make him FEEL important). Just telling him you won't hurt him isn't enough - you have to prove to him that you are in this b/c you want to be and need him. He'll eventually start feeling it, if you commit to showing it.
    Iskkra

    Answer by Iskkra at 4:06 PM on Oct. 26, 2009

  • I am thinking that this is something a counselor or mental health person could help with. Since you are being careful to do all you can to reassure him and to be a good wife and person, he maybe needs extra help now.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 4:07 PM on Oct. 26, 2009

  • You may not like my answer but it is my opinion on what I would do in your situation.

    First, I agree with the PP. You have to show him everyday and build that trust slowly through your actions. When it comes to most men, showing will work when telling wont. Second, he needs counseling to help him move past what she has put him through emotionally. Some of his emotional and trust issues are just beyond you to fix.

    I hope that for the sake of your marriage you can help him past this.
    JEAmom3

    Answer by JEAmom3 at 4:10 PM on Oct. 26, 2009

  • It sounds like he ha some serious insecurities to work on. He needs to understand that you are not her, that you are a completely different person. He needs to learn how to trust, or he will never be happy in a relationship. The only way one can learn to trust is to practice.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 4:46 PM on Oct. 26, 2009

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