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Would you go after the father for child support?

I am a single mother of a beautiful three month old baby girl. Me and her father were never really together. It just happened. I haven't talked to him since I was about three or four months pregnant. Just recently I found his wife, we talked a bit and a few days later he calls me. I was planning on going after him for child support because he showed no interest in being a part of her life. Now he wants to meet her....but if I go after him, he will become sour and disown her like his other kids....should I file on him and have him abandon her as a result? Or should I just let him meet our daughter and not support the child he helped create?

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AmandaC1989

Asked by AmandaC1989 at 1:13 AM on Oct. 27, 2009 in About CafeMom

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Answers (7)
  • Ugg sounds like a tough situation, I am in a very similar one myself. My opinion is that yes you file for support. You have to do what is best for you child, and letting him slide isn't going to help. He may choose to leave his wife. But that's in no way your fault, as it would be his choice.
    luvububee

    Answer by luvububee at 1:40 AM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • i am in a very similar situation. here's what you need to tell yourself:
    men don't get to be fathers for free! why should he get the pleasure of seeing his daughter, and give nothing in return?
    you do everything, i assume..like i did. you woke up with her when you'd rather roll over and go back to sleep, right? the LEAST he can do, if he isn't taking care of his kid physically, is make sure she's got what she needs. if he REALLY cared, he wouldnt just hold her and say aw, she's cute. f*** that. show me you care by making sure she's got what she needs. thats TRUE love.
    and here's what i do with my child's father. i decided not to take him to court because he promised to give us money every week. i told him, the week that i DONT get money means i'm going to do this the hard way. he chose the easy way :) so you can work it like that if he's smart enough.
    good luck! be tough! you didnt make this baby alone.
    Bernie19

    Answer by Bernie19 at 2:00 AM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • I would file for the child support. If he's unloving and selfish enough that he would turn his back on her over it, then he would abandon her anyway, whether you filed or not. Better to file and have the law on your side when he does it than to have to look into her eyes and try to explain to her that you didn't file b/c you were afraid he'd walk away, like he just did.

    You can always give him the option of just working it out with you, but when you do that, you have no legal back up if/when he stops paying. You'd have to file at that point, and you could have a month or several months before you even get a court date.

    Something else to think of: he sounds like my ex. You talked to the wife, and now he wants to see her. I'd bet money she's pushing him to see her. Which means he lacks any real interest in her, so seeing her quite possibly will not last. I'd be surprised. Keep that in mind when making this decision.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 6:55 AM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • Your child deserves the financial support
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 9:44 AM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • Yes, why should he not have to pay for what he helped create? It is his responsibility as well as it is yours and neither one should have to take it on 100%. What he does after that is up to him, if he is going to leave just because you file cs papers than he has the capability to leave at any given time. Being a parent is a full time job not just when you feel like it, and he needs to know that.
    canthaveboys1

    Answer by canthaveboys1 at 11:49 AM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • Nothing good will comes out of being connected to an individual you don’t know. The hassle is not worth the money. Move on with life and you’ll have total control over your dd.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:22 PM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • Well he chose to abandon you and your dd so he can aleast help you make sure that shes got that she needs I mean hes the dad and dads should have to help to your doing the hard part he can help with the fianances maybe you should try talking to him and his wife and work something out if you really need the money to take care of her i think yall can come to some kind of agreement but this is totally up to you.
    Redneckmomma19

    Answer by Redneckmomma19 at 9:23 AM on Oct. 28, 2009

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