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Why is my DIL so mad?

I dont understand y my DIL is so angry with me. I just gave the baby some goats milk instaed of braest milk. Now I cannot see my grandbaby. What do I do?

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Asked by mamamatilda at 10:03 AM on Oct. 27, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (15)
  • How old is the baby? Children under 1 are not supposed to have any milk other than breastmilk or formula. While it might not have caused any harm, I think what I would be most upset about is that you didn't ask my permission- not sure if that's the case with her. I would try apologizing to her and explaining to her that you didn't realize it was an issue and that you will not do this again. Also, tell her in the future that you will ask her permission before giving her child anything. I do think she may be overreacting a tad, though. Did she ever tell you not to give the baby anything? If she didn't, then I think you are just at fault for not asking. It's not like you went against her will with something you knew she wouldn't want.

    Answer by RNmama09 at 10:09 AM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • Moms, as you know, are pretty serious about what goes into their child. She is probably offended. I think you may have to apologize, even thought you meant no harm.

    Answer by mama_moonsong at 10:14 AM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • i would have been upset that you had not asked permission...

    my mum had to do that for a couple feedings when i had surgery (ds was 2 mo), and i did not want him to have formula... so, she gave him goats milk with a splash of maple syrup. that was at my request though. i was unable to pump enough before surgery to last until i was conscious and able to nurse him again.

    its a matter of boundaries- i understand that what you did was not wrong, and maybe for a good reason (ran out of milk?), but that it IS her baby... let her be angry, process her anger, and approach her with an apology- you owe her one. its like anything that you feed a child, parents permission is required. you should have ok'd it first.
    i hope the two of you can work it out... try talking to your son as well, and see if he can mitigate some of the aggression. she just wants what is best for her baby.

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 10:15 AM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • I would had asked before I just gave the baby something like that, moms are picky when it comes to their kids. I'd apologize and let her know from now on you will ask before you do.

    Answer by MommaRox4683 at 10:24 AM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • I would've reacted the same way. Your DIL's breastmilk was made for her child. If she brought BM to be given to your grandchild, why in the world would you have given the baby goat's milk instead? Honestly, I would be livid. Grandparent, or not, no matter how many children you have successfully raised, you have to respect the PARENTS wishes, provided they are not harming the child. Now, you have to work to rebuild her trust. Promise her that you will feed the baby only what she has brought for him/her and that if you happen to run out you will call her before giving the child anything else. I would not try to go around the mother on this one, I would talk to them BOTH. I'm sorry, but I have to side with the DIL on this one.

    Answer by WindyTheWidow at 10:28 AM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • If you were my MIL and fed that to my baby without my permission I would be furious. You should NEVER assume you can feed someone else's baby anything other than what has been approved by the parents. IF I ever calmed down I would never allow you to see the baby unsupervised until he/she was school aged. You need to appologize for over-stepping and pray you have not permanently damaged your relationship. IF you want to have a relationship with your grandchild then you need to respect his/her mother and honor her wishes. I would not want my baby around anyone who obviously had no respect for me.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:29 AM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • Just apologize.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:48 AM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • Why in the hell would you give a baby goats milk?

    Answer by Doodlesrevenge at 11:09 AM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • From the other questions that you have asked I would never let you watch my kids either.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:19 AM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • Yeah, I'd be mad too and you wouldn't see my kids either.

    Answer by Pnukey at 1:37 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

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