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being spoiled by grandparents?

when my kids are with my husbands parents they let them do things we don't. watch certin tv shows, eat only junk food, ect... the problem is, it's not like it's a "special treat" on occasion, we live close to them and they see the kids often. we've gently asked them to do or not to do certin things but they usually ignore us. should we just leave it alone or should we be firm and say "if you do/don't do "x" the kids can't come over"?

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:17 AM on Oct. 27, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (15)
  • if it something you really dont like then yes there your kids say something. if they keep it up tell them the kids wont be visiting as often, a treat, or every now and again is fine and tell them that, but not all the time

    Answer by 16thmoon at 10:20 AM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • I think if I were you, I would probably be firm and say that if they don't obey your wishes, the kids won't be going over there anymore. I wouldn't keep them from seeing them completely, but maybe tell them they can only come to your house and see them or they can only go over once a month, etc. Not that I think those things they are doing are going to harm your children, but if you say something, they should abide by it. It would just worry me that if you don't set them straight now and set the boundaries for them, things may get worse as the children get older. Good luck- i am sure it's a difficult situation. Maybe have your husband talk to them, it will be a little easier for him to talk to them than you I would think.

    Answer by RNmama09 at 10:20 AM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • I'd put my foot down, it'll only get worse for you when they come back home. Explain that there are certain things that are moderation. Then explain what you WILL NOT allow and why. If they can't respect your parenting...then don't allow the visiting as often or without you being present.

    Answer by how_reb at 10:20 AM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • Choose your battles. I've just about thrown in the towel over sweets and other non-nutritious goodies. I would draw the line at tv shows, innappropriate movies and music. But I figure as long as DS is eating the foods that I want him to, I'll just keep my mouth shut about the other treats Grandma sneaks in. Now, if the Grandparents showed absolute defiance over something you said and your child is old enough to know they are getting away with something I wouldn't let the children visit for a set period of time. I told grandma, as an example, if I told DS he couldn't have something, for whatever reason, and she bought it for him anyway, I would return it to the store or give it away. If GP's are unaware they are doing something against your wishes, that is one thing. If your child is manipulating them into doing it, that is another. And if GP's are doing it on purpose, well, you have your hands full.

    Answer by WindyTheWidow at 10:22 AM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • It might be worth continuing to briefly mention the problem. My MIL did the same for our children, but she lived far away, so it wasn't as much of a problem as it is in your case. My mother, who lived closer, respected our wishes.

    Perhaps you could say why it matters so much so they can see why you have the polices. "We don't like the children exposed to the language (the nudity)(the violence) in that show." "When the children eat extra sugar they can't sleep at night (they get crazy)(they vomit)." Whatever your reasons are. And repeat them, in a calm face to face conversation.

    Answer by Bmat at 10:23 AM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • I can't believe they are still being disrespectful when you guys have talked to them. All of you need to sit down again, and let them know it's ok for those things once in awhile but not too much, you guys don't want spoiled rotten kids and they should understand.

    Answer by MommaRox4683 at 10:29 AM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • Put your foot down and find the middle ground. Grandparents are going to spoil. It's just something they do! But you can put limits on what they do and threaten to keep the kids away if they don't listen.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:44 AM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • Threatening to keep the kids away is a bit harsh. And kinda unnessesary. Why not have a talk with your kids. (Assuming they are old enough to comprehend). They will have tempation and stuff around them that you don't want them around throughout their life. You can't take away all temptation but you can teach your kids that just because there is candy doesn't mean you have to eat it. And so maybe when they're older they will learn that just cause there is beer doesnt mean they have to drink it.

    Answer by lstrickland at 11:05 AM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • Find a way to allow it without them undermining your authority with your kids. They are going to spoil the kids no matter what, however the kids should never get the idea that can run to granny if they aren't getting their way. IF you feel that this is situation then you need to point that out to the GPs. it's not about the kids getting extra stuff it's about you are the parents and kids should listen to you. How would they feel in that situation?

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:47 AM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • I'd choose my battles, pick the worst offense(s) and put your foot down but let a few of the lesser ones slide.. I see my parents 2 or 3times a week as well-- so I know where you're coming from, I let her give him a few extra "snacks" but she absolutely can not give him soda-- she doesnt think it's a big deal but I do, milk or water- period no more discussion. TV isnt really an issue, and we agree on just about everything else.

    Answer by AMsMommy212 at 12:51 PM on Oct. 27, 2009

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