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My SO's mom!!

I have one child. My SO has 3. We have one on the way. His mom thinks I am mean because I make them do chores, clean up after themselves, if they dont behave I put them in time out, and if I say something I stick to it. (I told the 7 YO if he asked me for something again he wasn't going to get it, and when he did I didn't give it to him). I tried to explain to her that I am not a maid and I can not cook, clean, wash, ect after five people. She didn't make her kids or husband do anything and made them separate meals. And thinks that I should. She tells me I am mean and she disagrees with me. When all of the kids are here my 2 YO starts to act out because I have no time to spend with her one on one. It has changed a lot because I started making the kids do things to help, but what can I do to get his mom to stop. I am not mean and she will ask the kids if they think I am mean or say in front of them you better be nice

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:28 AM on Oct. 27, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (7)
  • Unless your SO is willing to tell his mother to keep her opinions to herself - you will probably just need to build up a thick skin, know that you are doing the right thing, and ignore her. I can't tell from your post how often you see her - I hope it's not too often! - but I have found that when dealing with my dh's family it's best to just shrug it off and ignore it. However, I only see them a few times a year. If they lived around the corner it would be a different story. GOOD LUCK!

    Answer by stepmom929 at 11:33 AM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • I think you are righ on sweetie my MIL is a pain it seems I can never do anything right. You need to set boundaries and just plain tell to if she can't respect the way you raise YOUR CHILDREN then thats her problem, There is nothing wrong with having them clean up after thenselves and chores like that , I think if they don't they will be lazy and not be able to do anything for thenselves.

    Answer by Korysmom96 at 11:35 AM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • My mother in law was like that and my husband would not talk to her. I told her if she was only going to criticize then she was not welcome in my home. She got mad and told my husband I was unreasonable and blah blah blah. He was mad at me but I told him I was not going to listen to her belittle me in my own home. I reminded him I asked him to deal with it multiple times and he did nothing so I took care of it myself. She won't allow me in her home now either so my husband was taking the kids over by himself then she started telling the kids and him how bad I was he finally told her to shut up and quit talking about me. He also told her until she could respect me she would not be around him or the kids. It has been 7 years and she still tells anyone she can how bad I am. My husband said it has been nice since she criticized him constantly too he just didn't realize it. We are all much happier.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:42 AM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • there is nothing you can do but stick to your guns. Maybe invite her over to care for the kids when they are at your house, since she is so capable.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:54 AM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • If you are treating your child the same as his children I dont see the problem. My so's mom used to do it all, than he moved in with me and i told him flat out i am not his maid, cook, and I will not follow him around to pick up after him. Sometimes I have to treat him like a kid to get my point across but it works. kids need responsibilities, my kids have them. They dont cook for themselves because I am afraid they would burn the damn house down, but they do have chores.

    Answer by canthaveboys1 at 12:04 PM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • How does your SO feel about this? Does he see/hear her snotty comments? If he is unaware, I would speak up and tell him what she is doing and how you feel about it and then present a united front to her. You both should sit down with her and your SO should speak up and tell her what goes on between you and the kids in your house is YOUR business - she has no right to poke her nose into the situation or make comments about what you are doing. SO should also speak up to his mom and tell her flat out that you have his permission to parent/discipline his children how you see fit, and that you BOTH think the kids are old enough to help out and do chores around the house. If you present a united front she may think twice about making rude comments. I think SO should also tell her if it keeps up she won't be welcome or be seeing the children for a while unless he takes them to her house when he feels like it. Good luck!

    Answer by MizLee at 12:27 PM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • Your so needs to speak to his mother. My dh would never let his mom talk to/about me like that! It's disrespectful besides the fact that it undermines your authority with the kids. But it's up to your SO since it's his mother.

    Answer by missanc at 1:16 PM on Oct. 27, 2009

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