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its not fair

My bf is 37 im 22. hes been married 3 times, been divorced 3 times for very good reasons, cheating ext. We never intended on getting together, but he fell in love with me, and i loved him all along. he says hes never getting married, its not fair ive never been married. our relationship is strong. he says hes told me from day one, but he also told me there wasnt going to be an us and there is, we bought a house and all. what do you think will this change?

 
mememecassie

Asked by mememecassie at 12:43 PM on Oct. 27, 2009 in Relationships

Level 6 (115 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • A piece of advice I've always found to be true is people who marry multiple times are people who want to be married. He's scared right now and to a 37 year old, you being 22 is still very young. He says he won't marry you because you might change your mind in a few years. I'm just telling you from experience. You might try an ultimatum, and you leaving him would be an ultimatum but it would disrupt your child's life. I would hold on and just remember you love him every day and if he is good to you then be patient. I've seen women leave when they get frustrated then the guy marries the next girl that comes along. Give him time and enjoy the now.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:57 PM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • I dont mean to bust your bubble, but there isnt anything you can do to change him, or the idea that he doesnt want to get married. You cant change people, they have to change because they want to, so, if actually being married is what you want, you have 2 choices......stay like it is, or find the man that wants to marry you.
    SuperMomof3kids

    Answer by SuperMomof3kids at 12:51 PM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • He is hurt by the other women and he doesnt want that to happen again. I am sure he wil marry you when he is ready. Dont bring it up bcuz then he will feel pressured and prob NEVER do it.
    Mrs.Oriaku

    Answer by Mrs.Oriaku at 12:53 PM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • If marrying someone whose been married 3 times doesn't bother you then go for it, but it takes 2 to make a marriage and he might have issues that he isn't fessing up to.
    MommaRox4683

    Answer by MommaRox4683 at 12:56 PM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • just so everyone knows im not pushing the issue or even prying it. I just wanted opions, im standing in a wedding in a couple months and its just got me thinking...... I didnt pressure him to date me or anything we were just friends and hung out with our kids. And he just blurted out one day I love you and you better not hurt me. I almost fainted cuz there was never going to be an us... so I was just looking for some imput..... thank you
    mememecassie

    Answer by mememecassie at 12:59 PM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • Nope. And I don't think all three of the divorces were totally the fault of his wives either. I think the best thing you can do for yourself is bid him farewell and wait for a man to come along who is looking for a wife. I don't think you will change this one's mind, and I don't think you should waste your time trying. There are good and decent men in this world who want to be married and they want wives who will be true and dedicated just to them. When a girl wants to be married, her first question of the guy who asks her out should be "Are you looking for a wife?" If the answer is no, don't waste another minute of your time on him. If all he is looking for is sex, then he will soon tire of you and move on anyway, so you will only be beating him to the punch. Women really do hold the key to their own destinies. It is sad that too many have not been taught how to use them. Tell him good-bye and do it soon!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 1:29 PM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • Whatever you do, don't go looking for a man who wants a wife. You're not there filling a position, you want to be loved for yourself! Why would anyone want to be just someone's wife and not the love of their lives? Not me for sure.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:02 PM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • If you knew he didn't want to be married for the fourth time, why did you buy a house with him?
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 3:52 PM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • well thats easy enough to answer I really do love him. and since we were never supposed to be and he told me he loved me first he broke his own rule! I know im young but im not one of the girls who run around sleeping with guys I had one relationship that was serious it was a 4.5 yr in result of my 3 yr old beautiful lil girl. As for the house we are on a land contract with terms easy enough for one of us to get out if wed like.
    mememecassie

    Answer by mememecassie at 6:07 PM on Oct. 27, 2009

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