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24 with a 21 year old stepson...help.

my husband is 48. i am 24. we get along great. the only problem we have is that his 21 year old son hates me. i can understand his issue...his step mother is only 3 years older than him. i get that. what can i do to comfort him and get on his good side. i know it is inappropriate for me to assume any type of parental role...but i am unsure what my role should be. any help would be appreciated.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:49 PM on Oct. 27, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • to the anonymous coward who called me a gold digger....
    i could really tear into you...but that would be so beneath me. clearly you are hurt. maybe it offends you that your ex is with a younger woman...and if her behavior is that of a gold digger, than i can understand why. but don't make assumptions. i am a nurse, my husband is a short order cook in a diner. i make more money in a few months than he does in a year. i have been on my own since i was a teenager. i don't need a daddy. i am a grown woman. i love my husband. he is intelligent. he is strong. and unlike the guys my own age...he is mature and intellectually challenging. most guys my age are just moving out of mommy and daddy's house. they have no idea what they want out of life...maybe they hang out in bars or have fun playing frat boy games...i am not into that. that is why i married a MAN. i am sorry that you feel the need to insult people online. grow up.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:47 PM on Oct. 30, 2009

  • I am not so sure you should be comforting him, someone could blow that out of context. I would tread lightly on that situation and assume no parental role what so ever. Eventually he will come around, and if not than he will have to deal with it his own way.
    canthaveboys1

    Answer by canthaveboys1 at 2:54 PM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • This is a tough situation. You're right, trying to assume a parental role would be completely inappropriate, but on the other hand you can't really be his friend either. The best you can do is show him that there is no reason to hate you and that you aren't trying to be an authority figure. Don't take any disrespect from him. Try to address small issues on your own, because if you run to his father about everything, it's going to seem like you are trying to come between them. However, make your husband aware of the issue, and for all major problems, let him handle it. I hope I was a little helpful.
    Rebecca7708

    Answer by Rebecca7708 at 2:56 PM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • what do you mean by blowing it out of context? by comforting i guess i mean, talking to him, or trying to assure him that i am not trying to come between him and his father...or take the place of his mother...i don't know...it is such an odd situation. i knew it would be challenging...i just din't anticipate it being this difficult. he calls me a whore...and a child. not to my face, but i do overhear him arguing with his father. i know our ages are far apart, but we have a lot in common. i am not the typical 24 year old. i have 2 kids of my own, i have been on my own since the age of 15. i love my husband. and i want his children to know that i am not some monster.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:00 PM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • Give him is space but always be nice to him and include him when appropriate.
    FuzNet

    Answer by FuzNet at 3:01 PM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • I'd give him a LOT of space. Definitely don't try to "comfort him" way to much of a parental role, don't say anything about "I'm not trying to take the place of your mother" that would just sound ridiculous! I'd treat him more like a step brother then anything. I wound NEVER refer to him as "my step son"! Call him "my husbands son". He has a reason to be VERY uncomfortable about his dad marrying someone 3 years older then he is, how weird for him... just give it A LOT of time and space and let his dad deal with it. THIS is one reason I'm against people marring people old enough to be their parents!
    Blueliner

    Answer by Blueliner at 3:08 PM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • He is an adult. he will deal with his feelings in his own terms. You married the father, the son can accept you or not but he can't disrespect you calling you names. All you can do is be polite, be a good wife to your husband and when and if he (the son) is ready to show some maturity and respect, then you guys can communicate in harmony. In the mean time, tell him to show some maturity and some respect for his father's choices and don't allow him to call you names at all. keep things as cordial as you can and that's all you can do. Good luck.
    bebita

    Answer by bebita at 3:17 PM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • He's an adult. You're 3 years older than he is, therefore, the only relationship you should have with him is a cordial one. If he's bitter that you married his father, then allow him to be bitter but don't allow him to be rude to you. Treat him as you would treat any other adult.
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 3:40 PM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • There really should be no parental role obviously you are only 3 years older. In this case I can actually relate. I am 20 and I am with a 42 yr old man and he has 2 kids from another marriage, (12 and 9). I don't ever tell them what to do, its not my place so I just leave it up to my boyfriend. I was lucky they actually like me but I'm sure when they are old enough to understand they will come to me with some questions like..why are you with my dad who is so much older than you? All you have to say is you simply love him, if his son doesnt accept you its not your fault if you two are happy thats all that matters
    AlexxasMama

    Answer by AlexxasMama at 3:48 PM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • Actions speak louder than words. Consider yours.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:55 PM on Oct. 27, 2009

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