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How would you handle this situation.

I have a 18 year old son who has asked me for years who his biological father was. I finally gave in knowing that he is 18 and an adult and allowed him the information.
My son got up the nerve and called and his biological father told him that he was mistaken and hung up on him. This left a bad taste.
A couple of days later i got an email on facebook from his father wanting to talk to me. I called him up and his wife started screaming at me... wanted to know why i wanted so long to get in contact and all he could do was say are you 100% sure it is my. I got so angry with them both that i hung up. I sent an email stating that i see how you handled a phone call and can see now that i don't really want my son to know you. Since then his wife has put pictures on there face book page of there family. I don't' want anything from them just wanted to give to my son what he wanted.... so frustrated with the situation .

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Asked by livelovelaugh71 at 5:59 PM on Oct. 27, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

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Answers (16)
  • Well, since your son is an adult, he is old enough to make his own decision about how he wants to handle it. It's something for him to handle, not you at this point. The most you can do is apologize to your son for 1) waiting so long to tell him, and 2)for how nasty his biological father ( not to mention his wife ) treated him. That is all you can do. I am sorry about how crappy he was to your son. Your son obviously is above that. Just need to say "He's a bastard", try to make peace with it, and move on.

    Answer by sweetmoonem at 6:01 PM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • Wow sooooo sorry! I would had got a DNA test done a long time ago and that @-hole would had been paying for child support all these years and his new wife has nothing to do with your past she needs to stay out of it.

    Answer by MommaRox4683 at 6:02 PM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • The father knew he had a son ...but denied it on the phone because of the wife. He actually held his son when he was a baby. I was in high school and he had just quite school when i got pregnant. I asked him what he wanted to do and he just walked away.

    Sweetmoonen -- i never denied to my son the right to know his father, i actually told him his name and etc a long time ago. It was not until he was an adult before he wanted to meet him.

    Answer by livelovelaugh71 at 6:06 PM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • I would block my phone and fb page because this is between your son and his father. Any nonsense from his wife or a conversation with his father like you describe, is sheer drama. Be there for your son if he is happy, sad, hurt or sorry he asked.

    Answer by happi-ladi at 6:08 PM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • Walk away. He did 18 years ago now you need to do the same. If your son does establish a relationship with the Baby Daddy, be supportive of your son but stay away from Dad. Afterall it will serve no purpose but to raise yur blood pressure.

    Answer by FuzNet at 6:11 PM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • At times this quote has so much meaning:  let sleeping dogs lie

    Perhaps after the shock worn off the bio-dad will contact him. 


    Answer by Anonymous at 6:30 PM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • Hi my name is amy i went thru that this past year and my son was very let down just remember we are blessed and they are missing out.My son was very disappointed for awhile and then he went on.And he told me how lucky he was to have me.Dont get me wrong i was very angry with the biological father but he didnt want anything to do with my son,then my son is better off without him!

    Answer by amy690 at 7:27 AM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • Well OP that is still what I think you should do.

    Answer by sweetmoonem at 10:12 AM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • I grew up not knowing my father. I knew his name and the last place that my mom knew of where he was living but that was it. My parent got divorced when i was a year old and my father left.

    when i was 20 my older brother found and contacted my father, i have been in contact with him since including spending time visiting him

    I've also been let down a bunch.

    As an adult child of my mothers i understood that it wasn't her fault in anyway and learned to deal with it on my own, as i believe your son will do in time.

    Just be supportive of whatever decisions he makes regarding his father and all will turn out in the end.

    I know have an even greater respect then i did before for my mother and all that she's done for me.

    good luck

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 12:20 AM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • I feel that since ur son is 18 the situation should be abt you partically n that ur son should handle how he should approach his father , explaining that he wants to know him n etc.

    Answer by blssdwittwns930 at 6:17 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

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