Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

My husband is upset my daughter runs to me for comfort

Ok let me explain...When my daughter is hurt, upset, tired, hungry, in trouble for doing something wrong...literally anything you can think of...she comes to me for comfort, and i know there are times i shouldn't pick her up, ie when she is being punished, or was told no, and just starts crying...we are first time parents, and I do spoil her, this i know...my questions are what can I do to stop this, or how do i stop it...and any ideas on how we can get my husband more involved in the everday stuff to where she will accept him for the comfort just as she does me? if that makes any sense? I think it hurts him that she wants me all the time, and upsets him that I give in so much too....i know i have to stop but I feel like Devil mom when I don;t comfort her.... I feel like it is causing some resentment from both myself and my husband towards each other and I don't want that at all...

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:25 PM on Oct. 27, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (5)
  • If she is in treouble, esp from Da, and you pick her up and comfort her..you are telling her Dad doesn't count and that she doesn't have to listen to him. Does a 1 or 2 year old think exactly that? Of course not..but the connection is still made. It will only get worse as she gets older. As parents the best thing you can do for your daughter is make a united stand. If you disagree..don't discuss when kids are around. If she falls and bonks her chin..pick her up and go to Dad.. say something like Daddy kiss it and make it better. The hardest parenting you will ever have to do is the one that takes a stand against something your child wants or desires. Raising a totally spoiled child will not help her in the long run. We all spoil some, you just have to draw a line.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 8:33 PM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • This is normal, this happens a lot. My DH had the same problem with my DD but I told him she goes to me for comfort and you for fun which is what typically happens. When he noticed this is true he felt better. Moms are usually the comforters and hovers while dads are the rowdy fun ones. I don't pick my daughter up while she is being punished or told no but I do get down on her level explain to her why and then give her a hug.
    PsychMommie

    Answer by PsychMommie at 8:34 PM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • You can comfort your child anytime they are upset but you also need to make sure they understand why they got in trouble and don't give in when you say no or take away something. My DD is very well behaved and many people compliment me on this.
    PsychMommie

    Answer by PsychMommie at 8:37 PM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • IT HAPPENS TO ME TOO BUT I ALSO DISCIPLIONE HER,. YOU HAVE TO FIND A N BALANCE CUZ IF NOT WHNE SHE IS OLDER SHE IS GONNA WALK ALL OVER YOU AND IT WILL BE ALL YOUR FAULT
    piwife

    Answer by piwife at 8:58 PM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • Well, I think its normal or common that a child is more comforted by one certain parent, probably the one who feeds her, rocks her, gives her baths, plays with her the most, gets silly and creative and gives in the most - COMMONLY is mom- that's normal. However, picking her up after dad disciplines her tells her that you are both not on the same page,. something which is Crucial when it comes to parenting as a team. I have to be tough with my son and it TEARS me apart when my husband has to discpiline him BUT... I know its for his benifit, not just because dad is in a bad mood either -he is really great involved father and we are trying our best to do this as a team, as hard as it gets for US...
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 10:19 PM on Oct. 27, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN