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I dont know what to do!!!

My bf has never been there for me during these 8 difficult months of my pregnancy.But he promises that when the bby is born he will be there 4 him, and i know he will, but its not fair. How he wants to be there when the bby is born but he doesnt now that he is in my tummy, b/c he says Im too difficult I promise yall Im not i just think thats an excuse to not have to be here hanging out with me when he can be with his friends.. He has bought the baby nothing.. But yet wants the baby to have his last name and his first name. I cant stand it, I dnt want him to be considered the "b" word . But I also dont want to give my bby his lst name b/c he just plain up doesnt deserve to have that reward. WHAT SHOULD I DO? I was planning on namin my bby a my lst name & a diff. 1st name, and he will have a big suprise when he sees it thru the windown. B/C i will let him knw tht i gave birth when the bby is out. Im I unfair? what do yall think

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:22 PM on Oct. 27, 2009 in Pregnancy

Answers (9)
  • naming the baby is ultimately your decision, we like to say dads have equal part but they dont.

    besides that I think getting him to go to all of your appoinments would be something positive for the baby and if he doesnt want a relationship with you thats something you have to except because him rubbing the belly or talking to it may be weird to him if he doesnt want to be around you.

    It sucks Im sure, but give him a chance to be there as a father despite the name situation and despite the fact that he doesnt want to be around you right now...this will work itself out in time.
    DomoniqueWS

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 11:26 PM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • oh..im sorry i read wrong...i didnt know he was your bf....take out except the fact that he doesnt want to be with you...LOL I thought you two were like not together or something

    I think on a relationship level it is best that you have a talk with him about how you feel.
    DomoniqueWS

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 11:30 PM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • i was in the same situation when i was pregnant with my son... i gave him his last name believing that he would step up... i regret it almost everday now.. im taking the legal steps to change his last name.

    My opinion is that if he hasnt stepped up by now he isnt going to.... Stick with your names and let you bf through his tantrum and learn to live with it.

    Your the one doing all the work and you should be the one to choose what your child will be named.

    good luck and congradulations on the soon to be
    tntmom1027

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 11:30 PM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • Well if you want child support to give a wrong name on the bithcertificate will make it harder. If he is the father, put it on the birthcertificate for your child. You are a mother now and you have to look not only at yourself but the big picture. You can always give them your last name on the birth certificate so they have your last, but the fathers name is his. Technically you didn't give the baby his last name but acknowledged he was the father on the birth certificate for child support purposes.
    SEEKEROFSHELLS

    Answer by SEEKEROFSHELLS at 11:32 PM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • He doesnt want to go to the appt. and when he does its to get out of somewhere he doesnt want to be at. I accept that he doesnt want a relationshiop with me i personally really stopped having feelings for him b/c of his immaturity towards the pregnancy. He has kissed my belly 3 times, he is really loving with babies but he says that he wont do anything for him until he is born b/c then he will get to play with him and stuff, he doesnt find him important now. I have given him all the chances in the world i have even asked him to come and help me set up the baby furniture but he always has excuses to not do so.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:33 PM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • sorry to disagree with the above
    just have him sign the birth certificate and you'll be okay to give the baby your last name
    just to make it easier would just mean you gave your kid a last name you didnt want him to have for money...basically

    you can always have him sign it and technically it only comes to that point if the father says that it isnt their child in which case they issue a DNA test anyway...him signing, or not, DNA will prove all in the end
    so if he signs and then denies you'll still have to do a DNA test anyway
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:36 PM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • It is all your choice. If you don't want the father in the delivery room then that is your choice. If you want to name your child something besides the father's first/last name then that is your choice. you have the option to change the last name later in the case that the father does step up and become involved. You can put the father's name on the birth certificate but I would file a custody/child support case as soon as you can.
    chrissmom734

    Answer by chrissmom734 at 11:54 PM on Oct. 27, 2009

  • I don't think its unfair at all. He helped get you into your position, he could/SHOULD be there for you everyday. Your not married, so you get to choose the last name. Plus, 8 months and he hasn't contributed one bit? Not even a 5 dollar onsie from wal mart? If I were you, I'd give that baby boy your last name and the 1st name you choose, and tell him he needs to be there to help you when you need it. His friends aren't pregnant, you are.
    ChelseaG23

    Answer by ChelseaG23 at 12:48 AM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • If I had it to do over again I wouldn't of given my daughter her "sperm donors" last name. I don't care if I sound like a bitch or not lol bc I'm the only one who has taken care of her and he only wanted something to do with her when it was convenient for him...that even included the year and a half we were together living in the same house...and it sounds like your bf only acts like he wants something to do with your baby when its convenient to him.
    I would let him have visitation rights and stuff when your baby gets here but I wouldn't give him his last name and I definitley would give the baby his first name..Id give the baby the name YOU want.
    My ex husband loses his rights the end of November bc in our divorce papers it says if he goes a year without paying child support or a year without seeing her he loses his rights and you bet your ass I'm changing her last name.
    misspriss_1987

    Answer by misspriss_1987 at 10:40 AM on Oct. 28, 2009

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