Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

My child is gay?

Me and my husband are conservative, God-fearing people, who have raised our daughter 16, son, 14, and youngest son, 8, in the church. We homeschool and protect our kids from bad influences, but somehow it has found itself in my 14 year old. I was at home one day when I was vaccuming and I found a picture under his bed of him kissing another boy that we know from the church. I've known that boy has been gay for some time now. I kept my son away from him, but now I'm sure he's been finding a way to see him. I asked his sister what she knew, she refused to talk. I have to ask your advice, I need to know what to say. I haven't said anything to my son, and I'm scared to. My husband is furious, but he decided to not say anything until we've got a plan. Please help, if you have a story, or kind word. I'm not one to ask personal questions on here, but I am beyond myself in this matter.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:36 AM on Oct. 28, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (43)
  • If he's gay he's gay, you can't change that. If you're mad at him for being gay you're only going to push him away and cause him to rebel. Love him for the person he is, his sexuality doesn't change who he is inside. He's still your son and he will always be your son. Don't be the mother who disowns her son because he's gay, that's wrong on so many levels. You can't protect them forever by the way.

    Answer by LadyJayne27 at 1:40 AM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • Just be honest with him. And I am guess from how you have worded the question you dont approve ot at least your husband doesnt, I HAVE TO STRESS DO NOT GET ANGRY WITH HIM! Try to be understanding, ask him questions like how does he know hes gay, when did he realize it. Honestly If this were my son I would be totally 100% understanding and supportive because thats how I was raised and how I personally believe. But you need to remember that if you come at him aggressive youcould possible push himaway from you. I have seen it happen to a few friends, their parents tried to change the way they were and they havent spoken in6 years. Just chose your words wisely! And remember he' s your son and youshould love him however he turns out in life!

    Answer by Amanda7891 at 1:45 AM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • i totally and completely agree with him for WHO HE IS. Dont diss him because he is gay. Its not bc you didnt shelter him enough...that's just who he is. God made him that way. And yes...btw you can not protect your kids forever. It doesn't work and will only make them rebel more. Trust me..been there done that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:46 AM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • God doesn't love him any less just because he MIGHT** be gay. Remember that he's a teenager and kids experiment at this age. It sounds like you might not be as open with your teenagers as you could be and so he's finding other ways to get his curiosity met.

    If i was a God fearing person (which i am not, but if i was) i would approach him honestly and calmly. And the first thing that i would say to him is "God loves ALL His children. We are all sinners, but God loves us all anyways and He loves us all the same. And as your parents we too will always love you the same, no matter what your sins". ...or something to that affect.
    Good luck to you.

    Answer by outstandingLove at 1:50 AM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • tell him,you have taught him the ways of God and what he doing is wrong,you dont allow it and neither does God but he has made his choice and if he wishes to change you can always help him ,tell him you love him and nothing will ever stop that, but wrong is wrong.druggis arent born druggies so theres no such thing as you could never change.but remind him you still love him and he is your kid and as your kid that love will for ever remain.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:50 AM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • I would change churches

    Answer by looovemybabies at 1:52 AM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • looovemybabies
    if he is truly gay changing churches isn't going to prevent him from finding another boyfriend.

    Answer by outstandingLove at 1:55 AM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • anon :50 am....your crazy. telling him it is wrong IS wrong!! God loves everyone for who they are. God made him that way. It isn't wrong...its just who he is. he was born that way..sorry. druggies arent born druggies. but a gay person is always like that. You cant really make a gay guy love a woman. i have never seen that happen. Anyways..point is. DONT get angry with him. Be understanding. Let him feel like he can come to you for things.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:02 AM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • anon 02
    typically, very religious people often don't believe that being gay is something you are born with. They believe it is a choice.
    Although i do not fully understand how they come up with this. I mean, did they CHOOSE to be straight? I don't think so. ...but many of them believe that being gay is a choice. And there are some gay therapists out there who claim that with therapy they can be changed from homosexual to heterosexual. any case. OP...I hope that God gives you the tolerance to accept him for who he is.

    Answer by outstandingLove at 2:06 AM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • I agree with anon 2:02 am If your gay you were born that way! tell him its wrong (which it absolutly isnt!!!!!!!) is just going to push him away!

    Answer by Amanda7891 at 2:08 AM on Oct. 28, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.