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Anyone here a birth mother? I'm finding it hard to cope.

I don't even know if I should be on this site since I gave my baby up 2 years ago. We have an open adoption and I do see her but sometimes it breaks my heart open since she lives the other side of the world to me. I try to think about how happy they are, and they are, but sometimes I just want to hold my little girl. I gave my baby up when I was 15. Now I know it's probably going to get easier and everything but I miss her everyday and I was wondering if you other birth moms went through this and how you coped? Thank you for any advice.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:02 AM on Oct. 28, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (21)
  • atleast you didn't abort

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:05 AM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • I'm not a birth mother, but my BGF adopted a son so I was quite informed on the adoption process, and I know this is no help, but I think you are a very courageous and selfless person for doing what you did. I'm sorry it hurts so much, I can't even imagine, but what you did for that family and your daughter is an amazing gift.

    Answer by gramsmom at 11:06 AM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • when u whee 15 u probably felt this was right thing too do . all u can do is keep visiting her. u know she is happy and she has known this family since she was born so is attached to them. just keep visitn her maybe soon u can home visitation rights and she can come stay weekends with you !! atleast u didnt do somethn stupid and have an abortion u where and women and gave birth !! u can still be her mom and be there for her now !!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:08 AM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • I am not in your situation, but I commend you for giving that child life and a chance to experience it. I can only imagine how hard it is to do that, it was incredibly selfless what you did, and you gave someone the best gift ever.

    Answer by canthaveboys1 at 11:13 AM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • Join the birthmoms, open adoption, groups for help

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:31 AM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • Yes it gets easier over time but do you quit missing your baby? No of course you dont. You will always miss your child.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:51 AM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • There are many birth moms on CafeMom that understand EXACTLY what you are going thru. Some say that it will get easier, and others continue to have a harder time. Time alone changes nothing. It's what you DO with the time that can make things "easier". Were you able to get counseling when you placed your child? Before or after? Since then? The PP's (MOST of them) just want you to feel better about your decision, and want you to feel better in general, but many times our words aren't enough. Only another person who has worn the shoes you are wearing (birth mom) can truly empathize with the turmoil that you may have in your life. I'm sorry for your pain, and am waiting for the many active birth moms to jump here and answer you. So far, you haven't hit any, including me. Hope you find peace soon.

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 12:38 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • The Q&A section is probably not the best place to come for support. Can I suggest the groups specifically for woman in your situation. There are some really nice woman in those groups (portangeles1969 and onethentwins come to mind). The people who answer the questions in this section often have no personal experience with adoption from any side of the triad. (such as the woman who said for you to hope for weekend visits. I'm not sure how open your adoption is but that would be very unusual.)

    Answer by Luuckymommy at 12:38 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • OP-I am so, so sorry. I know that your heart is breaking. Please try to ignore some of the things that were said to you. It isn't adoption vs. abortion. it is adoption vs. parenting , usually. I don't know your situation, my young friend. It doesn't get "better" over time, you will probably "bury" it. if you are able, just to survive. Seeing your baby, rips open the wound every time and though you are able to hug her and kiss her, and many would call you " lucky" those that know , realize that this can hurt even more. Giving up your baby was not a "gift". And, I doubt you feel "selfless". Most of us, feel many , much darker emotions. The person that posted to join the Birth Moms group was right!! They will help you. Please send me a message, and I will show you where to go. I'd Love to be your friend. From one First mother to another :) I wish you peace and you are not alone.

    Answer by stillamom1213 at 12:41 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • Thanks Doodle!!!!! You hit the mark, as always :) I was typing away, while you were :) Thanks for all you do, to support us. You are so very special, and i always appreciate it.

    Answer by stillamom1213 at 12:44 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

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