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SHould i let my daughter visit her father if he is not helping take care of her financially?

For a year I let my daughter visit her father for 3 weeks out of a month with no but throughout those month he has not given me any support (financially). I was dealing with verbal abuse to a point where I stopped the visitation because I felt as though he should respect me. That was 4 months ago. I got engaged in Sept and now he is calling asking if he can come and get her. Everytime that he calls and says that he is going to come and get her he never shows up (but my daughter doesnt knows that info) on top of that he calls my phone all hours of the night asking to speak with her and she is asleep. I have told him on numerous occasion (before I got engaged) that he can't call after 10pm. I personal feel as though he has no respect for my home nor me. So I decided to cut all ties off including the ones with my daughter.
FYI I have a child support case pending since 08.

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Asked by mom42107 at 2:03 PM on Oct. 28, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 13 (1,080 Credits)
Answers (32)
  • Personally I wouldn't let him see my daughter if I was in that situation. I would give him an ultimatum. Tell him to clean up his act, pay child payments and stop harrassing you and then of course he can see his child. But at the moment I don't think he's acting even halfway decent enough to visit his child.

    Answer by mommatomanyy at 2:05 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • The financial aspect should have nothing to do with visitation IMO. However if he is verbally abusing you and disrespecting you, then maybe just tell him he can come over and visit with her for a couple of hours, but that's it until he grows up.

    Answer by lilbit837 at 2:06 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • In that particular case, I would only allow him to see him at your house at a time that is convient for you. I don't much agree in cutting a dad out but I do agree that he needs to grow up esp befor he could take her somwhere you weren't.

    Answer by lstrickland at 2:08 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • You give her to him 3 weeks out of the month? Isn't he paying for her during that time? Don't put your arguments in between him and his daughter. The court would tell you the same thing. She needs her dad, don't take that away from her. You are punishing her for something HE did.

    Answer by Tashwitz at 2:10 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • Once the order is in place then you will have to follow it regardless of whether he pays child support or not. And the courts may not look kindly on you if he can claim that you have kept him from his child when you go. Turn off your ringer at night, that way he can just leave a message if he wants to or he will at least get the message that you are not going to answer if he calls "after hours"
    My ex has no respect for me or my home either, but I would never try to come between him and my children. I can't stand my ex and he has down some low down, despicable things but when my kids grow up they will see him for who he really is without me having to do anything.

    Answer by missanc at 2:11 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • You aren't making any sense. If your child is living with the father 3 weeks out of the month you should be paying him!

    Money and seeing the child should have nothing to do with each other.

    You need custody, visitation, and support court orders. You can have support taken out of his check and put in your bank account. You can have visitation exchanges take place in public places. There is no reason you have to talk to him.

    Answer by Gailll at 2:15 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • If it was finance issue I would never let him see her. But its not. He abandon his child and on top of that disrespect me. I am the one being the mother and father to my daughter while he is just living his life freely. Its time that he step up or step away. My daughter needs a full time father not a part time.

    Answer by mom42107 at 2:20 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • You cannot make that decision. The court will not allow it. The court will not see him as abandoning her, but that you are denying visitation. If you REALLY think it is in her best interest not to have him around, go to the JOP, get married tomorrow and have you new dh file for step parent adoption. Depeding on your state law, you could offer to waive child support in exchange for him signing the adoption papers.

    You really need to talk to a lawyer .

    Answer by happytexasCM at 2:29 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • I am not keeping him away frm her I am just trying to see if i should. The has always been open for him to see his daughter but he only wants to see her when I am around. He has never came to my home and visit her I always meet him or took her to him. When she did go and visit him for 3 wks I provided everything that she may need and he never sent all of her belongings back. I dont agree with paying him a dime when he has her. He needs to come out of the pocket and be a man. he is not allowed at my home anymore because he cause so much drama that my fiance' move me and my daughter to a house so I dont have to deal with all the drama. There is more to this story.....In order to help me you have to understand the story. So email me on cafemom. Dont judge me until you know the situation and you ladies know that they only give you a lttile space.

    Answer by mom42107 at 2:30 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • If he isn't paying child support and doesn't see her, it sounds a lot like abandonment. Then there is the harrassment and verbal abuse. It's not a healthy situation for her to be in. He is not an adult, much less a father from what you've said. I wouldn't be anywhere near comfortable with him picking her up.

    I will never understand the whole "if he's not paying child support it has nothing to do with seeing his children" line. It has everything to do with it. If he is court ordered to pay, then he's breaking that order which can get him in major trouble. Not only that, he can't care very much about his child's well being if he's not helping provide for her.

    My advice would be to get a lawyer and get everything settled once and for all.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:37 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

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