Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Do you think it's ok to celebrate?

My grandson's 3rd birthday is Thursday but due to a mess with the court system during which my daughter lost her prental rights we automatically lost ours as grandparents. We raised him for 1 1/2 years being told we'd be allowed to adopt him but then the courts changed things and now he lives with birthdad who won't let us be a part of his life. Do you think it's still ok to celebrate his birthday each year and take pictures? We plan on finding him when he's 18 and letting him know we've always loved him and would like to show him with photos that we never forgot him. We're also putting the money we would have spent for gifts into a savings account for him so it'll be a good start for college. I just can't believe my little one will be 3 and we can't see him.


Asked by baconbits at 3:19 PM on Oct. 28, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 26 (26,966 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I am so sorry. Yes, it is okay to honor the child you love each year. Putting away money for his future is a wonderful way of thinking of him so when the time comes he knows how much he was missed. I would also write a letter every so often. Not to mail. But an update on what you are thinking and how much he is loved. This way when he is older can have a card and letter for each year of his life.

    Answer by frogdawg at 6:58 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • OMG this breaks my heart. I think that your idea is beautiful. I hope something changes and that his "other" family comes to their senses and realizes that the more people in his life who love a child, the better. However, in the unfortunate circumstances you describe currently I think it would be nice to mark the day somehow. The savings acct idea is wonderful as is an ongoing photo account of things you've done. For me, however, I would not be able to bring myself to "celebrate" and would find some other way of observing the special day like start a garden and plant a tree or something every yr etc. You'll do what feels right and it may change over time but I wish you all the best! God bless all the loving Grandparents of the world!

    Answer by momrocks1000 at 3:23 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • I think it is perfectly fine to celebrate and to do whatever your heart tells you- this must be so hard for you! Your love for your grandchild is so obvious, best wishes that you are able to find some joy on his birthday. I am sure his heart remembers all the love you have for him.

    Answer by MaryMW at 3:56 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • Just out of curiosity have you applied for visitation? I assume you did nothing to cause your daughters rights to be removed.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:37 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • I think that is a wonderful idea- my heart goes out to you. I wouldn't stop with the court's settlement though. Grandparents have right s, it's a process and a pain, but one I think is totally worth it. Being that your daughter lost her right there must be a vaild reason. But you still could get visting, even if it's supervised at frist, they eventually grant un-supervised, probably with the stigmation that your daughter is not there. However, if your daughter straightens out whatever she needs to do (IE: parenting classes, staying out of trouble etc) she could could back to court and fight for rights also. I say stick with your idea and keep up a good fight. Best of luck to you!

    Answer by Emilymom4206 at 8:48 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • i think it's a great idea. this way he will know that you have loved him all along and you haven't forgotten him. don't stop trying, best of luck to you.

    Answer by jcsmummy at 10:54 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • your family is in my prayers, i hope soon that his family will allow you to be a part of the childs life. its one thing to set limits and visitation, but dont punish the child into not seeing his grandparents, you have done nothing wrong and neither has he. The act of sepeerating from your grandchild is an act of ignorance and selfishness. His family must be cold hearted, they should look at it from your perspective how would they feel i you won custody and asked for the father to sign rights over so that he could nnot have any contact with the child. The lord says honor thy mother and father; that includes grandparents to. I hope one day that they will stop being so decietful to themselves and the child and you will be able to spend as much time as the two families can agree on. YOU ARE IN MY PRAYERS!

    Answer by MissTrevon at 11:25 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • My heart bleeds for you all, I couldnt imagine. OMG If celebrating makes it alittle bit easier for you all by all means do so. I also love the ideas you have for showing him how much you all have loved him from afar. I grew up without my father and never realy had a relationship with him, children grow up hearing what the other side has to say, and often only believe that side because of trust issues. I think your idea is awesome because no matter what the other side says you can show him, not just say we missed you and thought of you. Good Luck, and have a great time. Get a balloon from me!!! Happy Birthday!!!!

    Answer by MarthaCrocker at 7:36 AM on Oct. 29, 2009