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My MIL is asking for money. Again.

My MIL can't keep ahold of her money. She spends it all on cigarettes and gambling at the local keno machines. She is on disability but also works part time, so it isn't like she is broke. She just can't NOT gamble, and she chain smokes. So when she runs out of money before her disability checks come, she calls and asks if we can "help her out" (code for "Give me money"). One time we gave her 20$ and found out she spent it on keno instead of the cigarettes and groceries she said she needed it for! And needing $$ is the ONLY time she calls, so its getting to the point where we are just sick of it and her. DH feels bad b/c she raised him on her own and is alone, but she is unpleasant and mean to him, and then just asks for money! We have told her we are just as broke as she is, and we have a toddler to provide for, but she doesn't seem to get it. Any suggestions???

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:07 PM on Oct. 28, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Actually, if you are on a budget, then why would you buy someone cigarettes or pay for gambling. Your husband shouldn't feel bad about saying no to her, he should feel bad about taking from his child & wife to give her things that aren't even good for her. What kind of grandmother would do such a thing?? I'm 48, my boys are 18, 20 & 27. I would do without things I need before asking them to spend their money for me, & would definitely never ask for money for frivolous things. I would do without things I want or need to give my boys & their families things. That's what mother's do. Just because she raised him alone doesn't mean that he should feel guilty. She's his mom, she gave birth to him, it was her job to raise him. Now it's his job to raise his family.

    Sit down & discuss your budget, & ask him if he plans on your child paying for gambling, cigarettes, or any other vices for either of you when he's raising a family!
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 6:22 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • If, after you talk with your husband, you guys decide you still want to help her out, then do not give her cash. Take her to the grocery store, write a check out to the company that she needs to pay a bill to, pick her up a pack of cigarettes. You never give an addict of any kind cash and expect them to use it for what they say they will.
    CarolynBarnett

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 6:48 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • just tell her no. you need it and tuff shit! your husband should know not to enable her to continue her addictions on your money.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 7:02 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • OP - DH is just as fed up w/ her as I am. He isn't giving her money anymore, and just ignores her calls. But she leaves msg after msg, crying and saying she'll pay us back, she is out of cigarettes, etc. I agree w/ ohwrite - she is a selfish person to even consider asking us for money when its for things like that. But DH still feels bad - he's a good guy and you know how guys are about listening to their mother cry, even if it is over something stupid. We are both just at our wits' end... We feel bad for her b/c she has MS, and has trouble walking and doing other things, but she doesn't do anything to help herself, even when she can, and doesn't invite us over just to visit or anything, ever. Just calls for money. But even I feel bad just ignoring her, when she is alone and sick. She just doesn't make it at all easy to tolerate her bulls***.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:50 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • She obviously has an addiction to gambling. Do NOT enable her by giving her money. She'll get angry but she'll get over it. You work hard for your money and if you wanted to blow it you could do it on your own.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:52 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • Op - And one more thing, when she says she'll pay us back, it is never when she says she will. IF we ever see the money again, it is months later when she calls to brag about how much she just won at the casino, and DH has to remind her she owes us money!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:53 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • Maybe you could try bringing groceries to her house instead of handing her cash?
    justluvinmyson

    Answer by justluvinmyson at 8:23 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • OP - We have brought her groceries. She let most of them go bad, and never paid us back for them, and wasn't all that thrilled about us doing it in the first place. I spent 60$ stocking her up on milk, bread, meat, sides, and sandwich fixings, and she still called us for money the next week!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:06 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

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