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What do I do?

Here is our situation: We live with his mom and teenage sister. He is 19 and I am 20. We've been best friends since we were 13 & 14. We have a 9 month baby girl that's not his but he chose this when I was preg. We both go to school and he works full time while Im a SHAM. I have diabetes on top of that.

I just don't feel like we have a connection anymore. I don't feel like we want the same things. I want to be a SAHM while he would love it if I was a career woman. He doesn't respect me in some ways because I do stay home and he thinks that I'm extremely lazy because of it too. I don't feel like he is supportive in taking care of my diabetes. He doesn't suggest that I eat better because he says we can't afford it; same with testing because the supplies cost so much. He takes care of and plays with our daughter but when it comes to feeding, changing, or baths it seems like she's only a bother and he gets frustrated a lot...cont.


Asked by Anonymous at 7:02 PM on Oct. 28, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Deathlily I get it. My ex was the same way. Its immaturity IMO and its something that unfortunately takes time to get over. But it can be incredibly frusterating and hurtful. You probably want to look at what he has had as an example. If his mom is like that then he probably has no basis for a loving connected relationship (either as a sig other or as a father.) He is better now in some ways (my ex) but his immaturity ended the relationship. I know that all these women say that he is wonderful for taking on a kid that isnt his and that is certainly nice. But no one forced him to. He knew you were pregnant, that it wasnt his, and he choose this path. And he should know now that fatherhood is more than just paying the bills... that just makes him a generous sugar daddy. A real father is someone who loves and nurtures and who makes effort. Counseling might help bt know that you will be struggling with this for a while

    Answer by NightOwlMama at 9:58 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • You sound very lucky to have this guy in your life. His Mom is taking you all in & he acting as father to your baby. You are only 20 years old, you need to get on your feet & start taking care of your self. People do work & function with diabetes, I think it's time to stop feeling sorry for yourself.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:06 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • OP:
    He is almost constantly rude and/or perverted. He doesn't seems to care about how I feel and has began to practically ignore me when I want to have a serious conversation. He thinks I'm a nag. He feels like he does everything while I do nothing if I even ask him to change a diaper or feed her. There are other things too but I'll stop there.

    I know that I'm dumping on him a lot and leaving out some of my faults too but I just want him to be more supportive and caring. I just dont know what to do because talking isn't working. I feel that my health (my diabetes) doesn't matter to him and so all of the responsibility of testing, writing down everything I eat, trying to eat better (in a house that only eats junk), ect. falls on me with no help or support what-so-ever. It really hurts and I'm freaked out but he doesn't seem to acknowledged it in any way.

    Answer by Deathlilly at 7:10 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • Don't mean to be hard on you but baby isn't his ,there's no need for you to put up with this. Move out you can get help as a single mom.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:13 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • I' am NOT feeling sorry for myself nor do I intend to leave him. He is my best friend and I love him to death. I'm just wondering what to do about this disconnected-ness and his uncaring attitude.

    Answer by Deathlilly at 7:39 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • I tihnk you forgot to hit the anon button sweety. I would get some counseling or try to work it out. Your lucky that this guy will take some responsibility even though the baby isn't his. That tells me that he probably really loves you which is good news. I think you should get a job too. A woman should always be able to take care of herself if something goes wrong in the relationship. Go to college and work on your degree you can get grants that will fully pay for it since you have a dependent. I had a baby when I was 20 and I am still finishing school. I have three semesters left. It can be done!

    Answer by lowencope at 7:40 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • I am in college and the only reason I'm not working right now, because we could really use the money, is because the daycare bill would take my whole paycheck.

    Answer by Deathlilly at 7:52 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • You have choices, you make it work or move on. You are both very young and you will both grow and at times you will grow apart. It doesn't mean it has to end, only that you have to work at staying close. He's only 19, he will be perverted and immature, probably forever. Just how some men are. He's done a lot for you that you don't seem to appreciate enough. You get to be a SAHM, that's exactly what you want. He has to go to work at a job that he probably hates, then he comes home and feels you want him to do YOUR job too. Not that you shouldn't get a break, but it's part of the territory when you choose to be a SAHM. He probably has a lot of pressure from his family, taking care of you and a child that isn't his while you stay home. Take control of your own health. Take over the cooking and grocery shopping. Show him you aren't lazy, do it all no complaint and maybe you'll see what being a single mom is like. Then choose

    Answer by camiam81 at 8:04 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • u r spoiled and ungrateful. take care of yourself, it's not his job. he gave up his youth for you and your child and you sit and complain. u need to leave and take care of your own child and let him have his life back.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:10 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • Ok, I would say that, some of you, have really good advice, but the situation is not how it seems in the least bit. So heres a little more info:

    His mother is not the 'pressuring' type. Hell she doesn't even discipline or take care of (besides what money can do) her own children. She even stayed with a guy that beat them for a long time. She's also on depression meds so she pretty much just goes in her room which she shares with the teenager because we have a small 2 bed 1 bath apartment. She's also on the verge of being diabetic but doesnt care and eats candy and drinks soda all day.

    He LOVES to work. He would be a workaholic if he was already done with school and had the job he wants. Its not that he's perverted, its that he's perverted and rude in just about every sentence and gesture. And its not like I ask him to do everything while he's home its just a diaper here or there

    Answer by Deathlilly at 8:14 PM on Oct. 28, 2009