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Why so harsh?

Why is it these ff v. bf discussions always become some tirade about how mothers are lazy or being "minimal" with their children if they don't feed them as you see fit? If in fact you are so secure and content in your world, why the need to be such asses to anyone who disagrees or does differently? If I let my kids swing at the playground and you think it's "dangerous" have I suddenly become public enemy #1, authorizing you to belittle my parenting, my love for my child and my ability to parent? And there are so MANY of you- if you were all as perfect as you claimed on the internet I would think I'd meet more of you "perfect" women in rl, and yet alas, nothing but a sea of ordinary, plain old moms, with quirks, flaws and misconceptions just like me, and the fact that you ff or bf doesn't change that at all so why be so unbearably asinine about it?

Answer Question

Asked by athenax3 at 8:51 PM on Oct. 28, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 4 (24 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • slapping forehead

    So...It's ok for you to do the same thing you're complaining about?


    Answer by bumblebeestingu at 8:56 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • I agree. I think its terrible that some people can act as if you were poisoning your children by using formula or how some people act as if breastfeeding is abnormal. Everyone has the right to raise their children as they see fit and as long as they are not causing them actual harm I see no reason to be a jerk. We should be able to discuss things in a reasonable manner and without being offensive


    Answer by Frogbaby83 at 8:59 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • "So...It's ok for you to do the same thing you're complaining about?"

    How so? I'm asking- IF you're as perfect as you claim, why waste time being so awful? I personally never claimed superiority or perfection as so many here seem to do-

    Answer by athenax3 at 9:05 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • I think you are right that many moms claim to be perfect. But I have been on the opposite side where other mothers, in person and on message boards, have claimed I think I am perfect. I never claimed to be perfect or have all the answers. I think what happens is when I say I don't do television, we eat organic, I make my own organic cleaners, blah, blah, know the hippy drill - it makes moms suspicous that it can't be true. Like who the heck would do that or I must be lying. Not lying. Don't spank, don't yell, blah, blah, blah.... BUT when other moms ask for advice I find they are not wanting advice. They want someone to agree with them and validate their responses/actions/parenting style. So clashes occur. I don't get people in public commenting on people's parenting. Who asked? And odd to have a stranger just give input. Here, we open ourselves up and someone will always say, YOU LIE!

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:14 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • frogdawg- I think you make an excellent point. Honestly, I have met moms like yourself, very committed to a certain natural parenting method/s, and generally a bit intimidating to the "average" mom, lol...I have actually become friends with moms who frankly parent totally the opposite of me, and yet we find commonality and camaraderie with each other, mostly because though we may DISCUSS our different styles of views, we honestly, truly aren't trying to change the other, merely understand it better, know what I mean?

    Answer by athenax3 at 9:23 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • I hear you. I often take offense when a parent says something about how not spanking can ruin a child. I get my danders up. But it is simply an opinion and I have to let it go. Recently I was told by a group of Mommies in my local area that if I don't punish a certain way I am for sure raising a criminal. How do you prove or disprove your parenting style? Its not like I have a magic crystal ball and can see into my child's future and know this is exactly right. And neither does anyone else. So I can't prove their swift swats on the behind isn't helping along a future saint and I don't know it is going to cause an angry adult. Who knows? I don't. I am just not sure anymore people can discuss their philosophies without someone taking offence. Me sometimes included. It is personal when we think someone is calling us a bad mom. That is the lowest blow someone can say to me. Call me a bitch or whatever, don't call me

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:56 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • a bad mom.

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:56 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • I do think that most moms here on cafemom take things way to personally and are very quick to judge. I homeschool and have a group of 7 wonderful women who are my best friends who also homeschool and we are all different, it doesn't matter though, no one judges. We all understand that everyone is different, we all parent different and guess what? That's okay!

    I have never felt more judged in anything I have done in life, as being a mother, here on cafemom.... We all know that as women, we are our biggest critic of all. I do agree with the pp on here, that some come on here asking a question and don't really want an answer and take extreme offense when you disagree.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:11 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • Some moms on this site tend to judge before knowing all of the facts. My daughter was fed formula, and I was called lazy, a bad mom, etc. But thse same judgemental moms never once asked me WHY I used formula (I'm medically unable to breastfeed). I've learned to forgive the ignorance and hate, and instead focus on being a good mom. These women don't know me and I don't know them.

    Answer by Fallaya at 11:04 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

  • those*

    Answer by Fallaya at 11:05 PM on Oct. 28, 2009

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