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He says it's not me, it's why do I feel so bad????

So, SO and I have recently started having sex. Let me just say that I enjoy sex. I could go for at least once a day, if not more. I was under every impression he felt the same way to. Anyway, we've had sex 5 times now and SO has only had an orgasm once while making love. The sex has been good, very enjoyable and I've orgasmed each time. He tells me that it is a combination of medicines he is on, Lexapro and blood pressure pills, that makes it hard for him to come in the first place and add that to the fact that we are using condoms, which he says leaves him feeling nothing. He is not complaining but I still feel "less than" because he isn't able to come. With oral sex it takes him longer than the average man but I've still been sucessful with that each and every time. He is truly more concerned about me having my fun than him but I feel like this will eventually cause problems between us. I feel like I'm using him to "get off"


Asked by Anonymous at 10:31 AM on Oct. 29, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • I don't think it will cause problems unless he becomes self conscious about the issue. If the meds are the problem, he would have these problems with anyone. If he is truly happy to please you, and that's what making love is all about, pleasing our partner, than he is a loving generous man who just wants the intimacy of being with you. The fact that you are trying so hard to please him means that you are an equally loving, generous woman who wants to please him. As women we seem to think there is something wrong with us if our man doesn't orgasm every time we have sex, and yet, few woman orgasm every time we have sex!!

    Relax, enjoy your man, keep the lines of communication open, I don't think he'll get bored.I don't know anything about Viagra or Cialis, but it's worth checking them out. In the meantime just enjoy each other.

    Answer by ohwrite at 10:51 AM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • since he isn't enjoying the same end result as I am. Since we've been having sex he's only let me go down on him once (sucessful) because he says he would rather be inside of me. As much as I want to keep having sex with him, I just feel like I need to shut that part of myself off because unless he is "getting something out of it, too" I just feel selfish and like I'm pushing myself on him. Of course, he tells me I'm not and that he enjoys it or else he wouldn't be doing it regardless of the outcome. He is going to talk to his Dr about viagra or cialis but I thought these drugs only served to produce an erection and had nothing to do with libido or penile sensitivity.........any help ladies? Please?

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:34 AM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • What you have is a relationship on sex alone. It's not something you can build on. Let him go.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:36 AM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • Anon 10:36: Thank you for your answer but that is not true. I can't disclose anymore details or explanations or I would give away my identity which is not something I want to do in relation to this question. I know it's hard to give a good answer without all of the details but I do appreciate you trying.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:44 AM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • speaking from experience, I do know that medicine can and will make a guy not able to do things he wants to. at least your getting it at all, when my bf was on lexapro and something else (forget) he never even wanted to do it at all. so, he def. got off of that medicine fast! lol and he can't ever get off with condoms either! so yeah, I wouldn't feel bad at all, things happen, don't worry so much about it. if he wants to do it then do it! don't feel that way about yourself, no need.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:51 AM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • Ohwrite: That was a very well written, even beautiful answer. Thank you for putting it into perspective for me.

    Anon 10:51: Thank you for confirming he isn't the only one with this issue!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:56 AM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • If you are sure this is a long term monogamous relationship I would ask him to be tested for STDs. If all is fine then not use condoms. That might help. If that is what you were using as bc then you could use something else.

    Answer by Gailll at 11:06 AM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • I just thought, you should also volunteer to be tested for STDs.

    Answer by Gailll at 11:07 AM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • The blood pressure is causing most of the problems. My SO has it and he can't get off anymore and sometimes can't get or stay hard. I have high blood pressure and it's hell trying to have an orgasm myself. Medical conditions can suck.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:20 AM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • My husband has the same issues. His is because of his testosterone levels being low (he takes meds for that but they still don't totally fix his problems). He was taking Cialis but quite frankly those meds worry me, I don't want the love of my life having a heat attack while we have sex. His issues are different....he orgasms early in to our time together so we have intercourse kind of quickly and then afterwards it's all about me. There have been a few times when he's just lost it and I hate to see him not get any pleasure at all but he always makes sure that I am "taken care of". Men really get the short end of the stick.....(no pun intended)....if they can't reach orgasm or erection it's noticeable. We can always fake it if we have to. we get older our sex drive increases and as they get older they need pills to keep up with us. Just be supportive to your SO. ((((HUGS)))))

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:28 PM on Oct. 29, 2009