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Mom & Aunt need advice for troubled teenage girls

My sister is a single hardworking mother of two girls one 13 and the other just turned 12. The 12 yr old hit puberty about year ago and everything was great with her until a month ago. Her grades dropped from A's to D's, her group of friends changed, she started disrespecting her mother, and just has a general "I don't care" attitude. My sister and I have always tried to be the united front in there lives, due to no father figure and it seems to have worked until now. She says nothings wrong at school we've talked to teachers, Dr, counselors and nothing seems to help. She was recently caught sneaking out of the house dressed in almost nothing. My husband chased a 15yr old boy away from her window at 1am. We talked to his parents asked them to keep him away. We go through her stuff, i know its wrong, and find notes that boys have written her that are sexually explicit. She's now on birth control, we want our young lady back!

 
toyh

Asked by toyh at 1:52 PM on Oct. 29, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (6)
  • Wow, this has to be so hard. I was pretty rebellious at about 13, started hanging out with the wrong crowd and smoking, making out with boys, etc, behavior that my parents definitely did not approve of. Reasoning with me would get them nowhere. I think the only things that really prevented any worse behavior were that my parents were observant- if I had come home drunk they would have noticed for example. And if I disobeyed there were consequences. Is there something you can take from her if she misbehaves- computer or cell phone, or ground her from leaving the house for a week except for school? The other thing that helped me is that I ended up joining the drama club and I made friends with better people who didn't get into so much trouble. Birds of a feather flock together so if she is hanging around the wrong crowd chances are she is doing the same things her friends are. Good luck. Teen years are so hard.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 2:13 PM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • first of all its not wrong to go through your childs things. you do what you must to protect her. my mom didnt do it behind our backs, she did random searches of our rooms in our presence. that way we couldnt really argue with it. be firm in the fact that as parent or parental figure you have every right, after all the room is yours, you pay for it and everything in it. My mother also set out in finding programs to help us deal with peer pressure and such. the best was big brothers big sisters, they match your child with a role model, somone to talk to about whatever they need to talk about and they also provide activities for her to do. the age is hard because she just wants to figure out who she is. sexuality is a part of that, make sure she knows how to protect herself and make sure she has the means to do so. my oldest is 7 but i owuld get rid of all the skimpy clothes
    cassie_m

    Answer by cassie_m at 2:16 PM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • One more thing to add, I know I said that my parents trying to reason with me got them nowhere but I still think you should keep telling her your expectations of her and try to build her self esteem. When girls so young act out sexually I do think it has to do with low self esteem at least in part, so try to build her up and focus on any positive behavior as much as you do the negative. Maybe this could help her realize that she is not living up to her potential. A lot of girls do go through this as a phase and come back to being nice young ladies. It is great that you care so much about her!
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 2:17 PM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • you can also buy alarms for windows at jerrys for around 25$
    cassie_m

    Answer by cassie_m at 2:17 PM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • Fact is this is what is happening now a days with teens. You have taken the first step in putting her on birth control to protect her from pregnancy. At this point all you can do is protect. I really hope you are not coming at her in anger. The more you do the more it will push her away. As much as most parents wont admit... there are probably at least 60 percent of preteens starting sexual type acts early and 80 percent of teens are. You just have to listen and try to guide and protect. Talk about comdoms and sex, talk about drugs, show what can happen. Be supportive, even tho anger and hurt are bubbling inside the more your ears are open to listen the more she will be open to bring her mistakes to you and get advice. Because lets face it, we all as teens made mistakes... and we all needed someone to talk to. But how much did we ever really listen. Guide dont demand. And dont make home feel like prison.
    jroseh68

    Answer by jroseh68 at 4:11 PM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • homeschool online
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:28 AM on Oct. 30, 2009

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