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I hate living this way!

I was dating this guy and a few months into our relationship he told me he didn't want to have a relationship, but we kept seeing each other anyway, basically sleeping together. My marriage was so loveless and I was alone for so long I told myself that this type of relationship was better than being alone. We still see each other about once a week, but we never go out, we just have sex. I don't want to be totally alone but I KNOW that I deserve better than this. How can I stop this? It's a lot easier said than done. I'm really hurting right now and my self esteem is down so I would REALLY appreciate it if the bashing was kept to a minimum. (I don't have any biological children, just my stepdaughter who lives with her dad, we are divorcing, but she still comes and stays with me about every other weekend. She's never met him so it's not affecting her)

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:11 PM on Oct. 29, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • You can do it! Get out there & start dating a guy who will treat you better.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:14 PM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • Im thinking that right now you need to find "you". Have you ever tried to be happy by yourself? Do you feel that you are not complete without a man in your life even if its a hurtful experience? Honey, this is no way to be. You deserve to be happy. I think that right now you need to find a counselor and work on learning how to love you. Then take the time to find the love of your life. Sex and life long forfillment are two totally different things.
    mistynights234

    Answer by mistynights234 at 3:28 PM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • Go get some help! Conselling is your best option!
    momavanessa

    Answer by momavanessa at 3:34 PM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • *OP* See that's just it, I've always been the independant type, I've NEVER thought I had to have a man to complete me, that's why I stayed single as long as I did. Now I find myself longing for that type of companionship. I thought I had it with my husband but we were better off as friends. Now I really want that in my life, and I know it's not with him, but when we are together I'm happy. I'm not UNHAPPY by myself, I have my own place, pay my own bills, I do things by myself and with friends, I just wish I knew why this one particular man has such a hold over me?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:38 PM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • Once you dump this guy, you will feel better. It cannot feel good to be his booty call. I understand the need for affection, i really do. I was in your shoes once, & in a very similar situation. But, its a downward spiral what your doing with this guy. You resent him when he is not there, not wanting to be in a relationship with you. But then, he comes around & you are in such need of some kind of love, that you cannot say no. It does not help when this man is hot too.

    After you tell this guy to take a hike, & to not come back...you will slowly gain confidence. It will feel good that you got the balls to kick him to the curb, seriously. Stop the depenance on this guy. try to get dressed up & go out w/ the ladies, put yourself out there for the possibility of meeting someone you deserve. You cannot meet the right guy, if you are still involved with this loser.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 3:43 PM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • He has a hold over you because you allow him to.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 3:44 PM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • Been there, dear. You have to stop it. for one this is one thing stopping you from looking for someone else. even if you have convinced yourself you can see who ever you want, why? you have at least a parttime someone. Please move on, cut all ties. Its much easier. I have done it and i was miserable! I had to and it hurt cuz he was my best freind but i wanted more and couldnt go on.
    roxyann76

    Answer by roxyann76 at 3:50 PM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • *op* Do I tell him? Do I call him up or go over and say that I can't do this anymore or just not call him anymore? I don't think it would bother him either way to be honest, I think that if I didn't pick up the phone to call him he would never ring my line again. I'm wondering what's the best way for ME, do I just cut all ties cold turkey or see him/talk to him one more time? I guess I'm just dreading the fact that he's going to say "well see ya" and not care one bit that I'm breaking things off. That's going to hurt pretty bad....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:57 PM on Oct. 29, 2009

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