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So scared and don't know what to do?

I just found out I'm pregnant by a man I've been casually seeing. I have PCOS and I really thought I was not able to get pregnant because my periods are so screwed up. Anyway, I' m so scared to tell him, he's made it clear that he doesn't want children, I've always wanted kids but not like this. I'm 31 and he's 33, so it's not like we are children. I know it was irresponsible and we should have used protection, but it has happened. I'm thinking about calling his mom and letting her know so she can sit him down and tell him. The reason I'm doing that is because I'm sort of afraid of him, I don't think he would hit me but he has a bad temper sometimes. How would you go about telling him? Like I said I know how stupid it was to get pregnant, but I did not plan this, it's just happened. I honestly thought my ex husbands daughter (my step daughter) was the only child I was ever going to be blessed with (yes I think children

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:50 PM on Oct. 29, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • are a blessing from God. Anyway, I know the bashing is going to start but please try to have some compassion on me and tell me how you would break the news....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:50 PM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • Tell him on the phone if you are afraid of him...I wouldn't tell his mom first...why were you involved with someone who you are afraid of?
    He never used protection so he is at fault too.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 4:54 PM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • It is your responsibility to tell him that he's about to need to support a person for the next 18 years. I recommend that you do it in a place where he would not be able to attack you- where there are other people around even if not in hearing distance. Good luck with this.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 4:55 PM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • I also agree with jademom, if he really didn't want children, he should have used protection, or abstained.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 4:56 PM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • I would tell him in a public place. And NO I am not gonna bash you. Maybe go out for a nice romantic dinner and just tell him. That way if it doesnt go well you are in public and around people, that can deter any physical action from him. I'm assuming you dont live together...be sure to drive seperately. And depending on his body language after you tell him, I would let him go home alone to have time to think it over. First and foremost ---Keep yourself and the baby safe! I know a baby can be a big suprise when you didnt think you could get pregnant. Best of luck and who knows, maybe he will suprise you.
    t_06_twins

    Answer by t_06_twins at 4:56 PM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • I dont think going behind his back to his mommy will help your situation. In all honesty do you need or want him in your life if you decide would like to raise this baby? single moms do it all the time. YOu are not getting any younger. did you plan to marry him? or he marry you? If you want this baby and would love having it all you have to do is say i'm keeping it and its your choice to be in our lives, whether your relationship thrives or not. There are a lot of unaswered questions here for you to have to decide first.

    But If you are excited do not let his reaction be your deciding measure. U need to decide. But my opinion is not to go to his mommy - it might make it worse for you. Talk to him and tell him your decisions and let him decide what he wants in life as long as you know what it is YOU want.

    Good luck!
    roxyann76

    Answer by roxyann76 at 4:57 PM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • I'm a little worried of your apprehension of this man. I would tell him, but maybe over the phone. I would be prepared that he will want nothing to do with it. I too believe that children are a blessing, and are put here on purpose, so I do not think this is a mistake. Good luck!
    berrysweetmamma

    Answer by berrysweetmamma at 4:57 PM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • tell him-bottom line-end o discussion:)
    evilive

    Answer by evilive at 5:31 PM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • I do understand the PCOS thing. I've had it for years and I think it contributed to two miscarriages. I did manage to have one child, but then had two m/c and gave up. Years pass. I got healthier and lost 40 lb. Well, we'd been using barrier methods, but ONE TIME didn't bother in the middle of the month. Well, I got pregnant! Our only child was nine at that point. My girls are now just shy of ten years apart, so I understand the feeling that you can't get pregnant/carry to term.

    Now, the fact that you're even a bit afraid of this man makes me nervous. You shouldn't have fear in a relationship. I echo the telling him in a public place. Maybe not a romantic dinner, how about coffee? He may surprise you, but you won't know until you tell him. Not his mom, him. You're both too old to have the parents be go-betweens.
    MonicaE521

    Answer by MonicaE521 at 5:38 PM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • Don't tell his mom. I get that you think he would take it better from her, but I seriously doubt that it would work that way in reality. I think if his mom was the one to tell him he would be embarassed and angry that you not only didn't tell him yourself, but that you told him mom. I'd tell him yourself.

    Since you're nervous of him, I'd definitely go with either a very public place or over the phone to tell him. If you meet him, make sure to tell someone that you are meeting with him, where and when, that way if your fears should end up being well-deserved, someone will know where you last were.

    If he didn't want kids, then he should have used protection. Men should know, just as women do, that even when we think we can't get pregnant, it could still happen.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 5:50 PM on Oct. 29, 2009

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