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okay i ask alot of questions because im a new mom and a new wife

my question to ladies out there that has been in my shoes bf i am 25 and i just recently got married and my son is six months how do yuo get through the sleepless nights and the opioninated mother inlaw i feel like im failing as a wife and new mom my mother inlaw always tells my son he is okay and nothing is wrong with him but she runs every time the two year old cries and wines help me be the mom and wife i need to be

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momma051209

Asked by momma051209 at 6:38 PM on Oct. 29, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 7 (162 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • why is your mother in law around so much?


    tell her the umbilical cord is no longer attached to her son so she can leave...adjusting to being a wife and mother can be hard so having her there is just making it harder, obviously, for you

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:42 PM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • i dont put attention to it , actulaly one itold my mil of and it was the last time she ever bother me. now we are friends. i been marry 4 yrs am 22 and have 2 kids. sleepless night is part of motherhood it will pass eventually
    piwife

    Answer by piwife at 6:44 PM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • my lil one is 16 months and i will be 25 on thanksgiving and have been married for almost 3 yrs now. my mother in law never steps in when it comes to my child (YET) but she has hated me up until about 5 months ago. the way i deal with not getting much sleep,is sleep when the baby takes naps even if u are not tierd at the time, also i let my little one watch tv witch helps out a lil bit.i go to bed at night when my lil one does too.let ur mil run every time if she wants,it may be she doesnt realy have anything to do in her own life and is bored with life.grandmas are there to spoil baby and give them things they arent supposed to have.
    angelairelan

    Answer by angelairelan at 6:46 PM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • You are not failing. It tough and parent hood does not come with a manual. Use your instincts because you know your kids better than anyone. In order to let those mommy instincts and bondings shine thru, your MIL needs to lay low a bit more. I would talk to your husband about him handling your MIL. He needs to be in agreement with you. It may take a few years for everything to settle in depending on your husbands feelings about his mom...GL!
    3gigglemonsters

    Answer by 3gigglemonsters at 6:52 PM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • Do the best you can!! Stand up for your rights!! Your MIL doesn't want to share her Son!! The first year is the toughest! And Add+ a Baby to it makes it more tougher! Not unmanagable. Not impossible! There's many things to work on in a marriage!! Its tough if you have a needy/demanding MIL. I wish you the best! It can work out! My DD is your age. Married with boys: 4 & 22 mos. old. And A Newborn DD!! Believe in yourself!! Don't give up!! I hope your DH stands up for you!! That takes time!! I care and wish you all Life's very Best!! Good Luck!!
    Angellinda

    Answer by Angellinda at 9:04 PM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • Mother in laws are something that you do have to get over in a way. I read The Mother in law Dance by Annie Chapman and it helped me see my MIL in a whole new light. We get along now but there was a time I was very intimidated by every little thing she said and she did stick her foot in her mouth as well.

    As for the new baby, that too is a huge adjustment. Your MIL is not there all night and really doesn't know what to say, do or really how you are feeling, but it sounds like he is fussy at night am I right? My 1st was & anytime after like 4pm he was fussy, tired, and all he wanted to do was swing, with the vaccuum running (he liked it), be held by mommy & nurse, til he went to sleep. It got easier. In fact when he weaned himself, I put him in his very own crib after cosleeping with him for nearly 9 months.

    I never thought I'd be strong enough but it worked out fine. He's 5 now.
    txdanielle@gmail.com (email me!)
    TXdanielly

    Answer by TXdanielly at 9:06 PM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • First, take a deep breath - you can do this, and it does get better! As far as your mil goes - I agree that if having her around is just causing you more stress, then maybe she shouldn't be around so much. Tell her that you love her, and that you know she loves you all and the baby, but that surely she can remember what it's like being a new wife and mom, and how you need to do it your way and stand on your own feet, just like she wanted when she was in your shoes.

    As far as the rest goes - don't be too hard on yourself. You do need to make sure that you take some time for you and your dh - it's easy to fall into this, but don't get so caught up in being a mom that you forget to be the "wife and". Your dh is going to have to help with this. For example - After dinner, he does dishes while you get the baby down for bed, then you can have a little bit of time for the 2 of you.

    cont
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:46 PM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • cont

    If you both work, then whoever gets home first starts dinner, or you take turns. If you're a SAHM, throw a load of laundry in the wash before bed, and ask him to put it in the dryer before he goes to work, or ask him to start the load before he leaves and you can throw it in the dryer later.

    Don't worry about being perfect at it!!! Let me say that again - DO NOT WORRY about being perfect! Your house doesn't have to be perfect, spend time with your lo and your dh. LOL - here's where your mil CAN help - have her babysit once or twice a month so you and dh can have some couple time - whether you go out or just hang out. Just do your best, work together with your dh to care for your baby, and know that none of us are perfect, so don't sweat it so much. It does get easier!

    btw - I have a 16 yr old and a 15 yr old, so I know how hard it can be, and I know it does get better :-)
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:52 PM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • O.K. you are the mother not your mother in law. The sooner you inform her of this the better. As far as getting through the sleepless nights it is just a stage you will have to go through. As you know with the 2 year old this will pass.
    teamquinn

    Answer by teamquinn at 10:06 PM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • Your husband should put his mother in her place on this one. If he doesn't then you need to. This is your child and she needs to respect that.

    The sleepless nights will be over with. Take naps when they do if you need to. Enjoy every minute of it really! Even having to get up in the middle of the night might be missed one day when your little one is not so little anymore.

    lctmmedina

    Answer by lctmmedina at 11:47 PM on Oct. 29, 2009

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